I woke up early morning to jog outside. I'm wearing a sports bra paired with leggings and my running shoes. Medyo malamig pa sa labas kaya pinatungan ko ng jacket ang suot ko.
Nakasalampak sa tenga ko ang aking earphones. May nakikita din akong nageexercise hanggang sa napunta ako sa dulong bahagi sa subdivision namin.
Doon lang ako huminto sa pagtakbo at agad nilibot ang paningin. Ngayon lang ako nakapunta dito kaya ngayon ko lang din nalaman na marami pa palang nakatayong bahay dito.
I saw a small playground so I walk near to it. Umupo ako sa isang swing at mahina itong dinuyan. Unti-unti na ding nagpapakita ang araw kaya nasisinagan na ako dito sa aking puwesto.
I stopped swaying when a ball dropped in front of me. A child came running and hurriedly get it. Sinundan ko ito ng tingin at dun ko nakita kung sino ang kasama nung bata. Si Rainier.
I never thought we live in the same subdivision. Oo nga naman, we don't even have the chance to know each other about our lives so how will I know his personal information.
He's smiling as he lifts the boy and then suddenly changed his mood as he looked at me. Inilihis ko ang aking tingin at pinagpatuloy ang pagduyan sa swing. Naalala ko tuloy ang sinabi niya kagabi sa text. He should have visit me then when I was in the hospital if he missed me. Hindi 'yong idadaan niya sa messages. And how about the girl na nakita kong kasama niya sa office nila 7 months ago? Wala na ba sila? Or baka naman hindi talaga sila? I sighed deeply. Overthinking again.
Medyo kinakabahan pero ayaw kong magpahalata. Alam kong papalapit sila sa banda ko kaya nagpatay malisya ako.
Huminto sila sa gilid at medyo gulat nung bigla siyang umupo sa katabing swing. He let the boy play in front of us. Medyo awkward kaya doon nalang ako tumitig sa bata. I don't want to make this awkwardness longer kaya tumayo ako at naglakad na nung bigla siyang magsalita.
"You never really changed." Mahina lang iyon pero narinig ko pa rin kaya napahinto ako saglit. I continue walking and refused to pay attention to his words.
"Wala ka bang planong kamustahan ako?"
I looked at him this time. Medyo gulat pa siya sa biglang paglingon ko pero bumalik din agad sa pagiging seryoso.
"Haven't you read my messages? Or did you refused to read them? Did you already forget about me?"
Sunod-sunod iyon kaya hindi ko siya magawang sagutin. O hindi ko lang talaga kayang sagutin. O baka kaya ko, pero ayokong gawin.
I sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry pero iniiwasan ko munang mag-isip ng sobra sa ngayon."
He just stared at me so I continued.
"You might heard the news, kakagaling ko lang sa ospital—"
"After 7 months. Yes, I know. I was also the one who took you to the hospital. I was the one who saw you in that restroom. I was the one who contacted your parents. But I was also the only one who didn't knew you were sick and was transfered to another hospital. So I lost information about what happened to you. Your friends won't tell me. So yeah, I was also half clueless." He said sarcastically while I'm kind of shocked. Mukha siyang galit pero pinipigilan niya lang.
So he's the one who saved me from danger. He did those things all because of me. Pero bakit hindi ko ito nalaman agad nung pagkagising ko? Bakit nilihim ng mga magulang ko? My friends also didn't tell me about that. My face softened and then breathe deeply.
"Thank you and I'm sorry." I was sincere to what I said but he only laugh.
"Halos mabaliw ako kakaisip kung anong nangyari sayo tapos ganun lang sasabihin mo?"
"What do you want me to—"
I was caught off guard when he suddenly hug me. Gusto ko sanang kumawala pero ang higpit ng kapit niya. Parang ayaw niya akong pakawalan.
Weird. I should be removing his hands from me but here I am, letting him do what he want. Inaamin ko, namiss ko din siya. Parang gusto kong umasa ulit para sa amin. Parang gusto ko ulit makaramdam ng pagmamahal sa ibang tao. Pero baka huli na ako.
"What are you two doing?"
The hug ended when we heard a small voice speaking. I searched for that someone and it's the boy he's with. Nilebel ni Rainier ang kanyang tingin sa bata habang nginingitian niya ito. He lifted the boy at pinaharap ito sa akin.
"This is Sean." He paused and then kissed the boy's cheek before continuing. "Sean, her name is Alys. You can call her, ate." He said softly to him so I waved at the boy but he only looked away.
"He's your?"
"Younger brother."
I sighed as if I'm relieved. Bakit naman?!
"I wanna go home." Ani Sean habang nakayuko na sa balikat ni Rainier. Napatawa kaming dalawa at halos panggigilan ko na ang braso nito.
"I should go then." Paalam ko.
"Can I see you again?" He hopelessly asked.
"Oo naman."
"Great, then." He smiled so I wave at him bago umalis.
My mind is still full on confusions so I planned on talking to my mother. Pero pagkarating ko sa bahay ay wala na silang dalawa ni papa. I just took a bath and then stayed in my room for the whole day. Lalabas lang kapag kakain.
It's been two weeks since I was discharged and I am so bored so I get my laptop and decided to open my social media accounts. Nagulat ako dahil napuno ito ng mga mensahe galing sa iba't-ibang tao. Halos mag hang na ang aking laptop dahil sa sunod-sunod na notifications.
I never imagined receiving this kind of thing. Hindi naman ako pala kaibigan at wala akong masyadong kakilala. Pero siguro nga may mga nakakakilala sakin na hindi ko kilala personally.
Iniscroll down ko para mabasa ang mga pangalan at mensahe ng mga taong yun. May nirereplyan din ako kapag medyo kilala ko ito. Nang mapagod ay napadesisyunan ko namang magbasa ng libro. Tumayo ako at saka nilapitan ang aking bookshelf. My eyes went to a specific book.
Sea of Strangers. Seriously. Kahit anong bagay nalang ba palaging siya naalala ko. Kinuha ko ito at sinimulang basahin. I remembered that I put a bookmark to where I stopped to read so I find it. Nakita ko naman agad ito.
There are many
things in life
you can postpone,
but love isn't
one of them.
Napahinto ako saglit at napaisip. Sometimes, I can say that it seems like Lang Leav's works were made for me. Parang bawat pahina na isinusulat niya, konektado na sa buhay ko.
I looked back to the page and read it again. Halos saulo ko na ito. Pero kailanman ay hindi ako sumang-ayon sa sinulat niyang iyan noon. I never thought of thinking that love cannot be postponed. Pipiliin mo pa rin ba ang ibang tao kaysa sa sarili mo?
I have witnessed of how love can manipulate someone's mind and actions. There are others who are almost drowned by jealousy all because of love. May mga magkakaibigan na nagkahulugan at nung nagkahiwalay ay hindi na nagpansinan kalaunan. Ang hirap isipin na kailangan mong pumili sa dalawang bagay.
But after that incident. I have realized things. My perceptions in life became different. What I have decided to do before is no longer the same as of now.
My phone vibrated because of a text.
Rainier:
Can we meet tomorrow?
Me:
Okay.
This time I will follow what my heart wants.
