Gabi na nung makauwi ako sa bahay namin. Galing kasi akong hospital for my check-up. My doctor said avoid getting stressed from school and other people because if not, my condition could be worse.
Hindi ko naman yun maiiwasan dahil nakakapagod ng utak itong course ko. At saka, may isang lalakeng palaging gumagambala sa tahimik kong buhay. Para bang wala siyang ibang ginagawa sa school kundi ang guluhin ako.
I already said we're okay pero hindi pa rin tumitigil. Napasinghap ako ng maalala ang ginawa ko sa kanya kanina. I saw that his mood changed by the way I said something to him.
Well, I did not know that my words could hurt him. Hindi pa sobrang sakit yung sinabi ko, pero ganun na siya kung magreact. He should know where to stand in my life.
I picked my phone and send him a message.
"I already did what I promised to you so stop pestering me anymore, okay?"
Saglit akong napabuntong-hininga ng magreply siya.
"Is this a farewell message?"
"Yes. So please 'wag mo na akong guluhin simula bukas."
"Awwe. You really know how to break someone's heart, e?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Isn't it obvious? I like you, Alys."
Wow, I never expect to receive a confession through text. Uminit yata ang pisngi ko. I looked at myself in the mirror and I found myself smiling. What the heck? Wake up, Alys! You should not believe his words. He knew you for like only days and yet he already confessed! How ridiculous.
Sa lahat ng taong magkakagusto sa akin, siya pa. At saka isa pa, sa lahat ng magugustuhan niya, bakit sa taong tulad ko na may deperensya?
"Why me?"
There are many girls in school. Yung mga walang problema, bakit ako pa? He then replied.
"Why not you?"
"Why of all girls, you chose to like me? Madaming babae sa paligid mo, 'wag ako."
"Humans cannot dictate their hearts on who to like, Alys. I found myself looking at you and wanting to see you everyday. I know we only knew each other not too long ago but I'm sincere with my feelings for you."
I tried to surpress my smile but I couldn't. But when I realized something, it faded. Nakakatuwa na may taong nagkakagusto sa'yo, pero hanggang saan?
"I don't know what to say since it's my first time to have a confession from someone, but thank you. You still have lots of responsibilities in school plus you're a graduating student. Focus on those things."
Sinend ko iyon at saka nilapag sa side table ang cellphone. I tried to sleep but I can't. His words are stucked in my mind. Gusto niya ako? Huh. I should not be swayed by his confession.
I stood up and looked at the sliding door. Umuulan. Ngumiti ako at saka lumakad para matingnan ng malapitan ang bawat buhos nito. Hindi ako nakatiis kaya binuksan ko ang pinto saka dinama ang ulan gamit ang aking kamay.
I have a veranda outside my room so I can have a full view of the garden. I requested it from my mom when our house was still under construction. This is my favorite part aside from my mini library.
The rain washed out all of my thoughts. Medyo gumaan din ang pakiramdam ko. The reason why I love this kind of weather. It seems like I am being healed everytime the rain pours. How I wish we have this weather everyday. But I know we can't. Hoping to have this all the time is already selfishness.
Bumalik agad ako sa loob ng hindi na matiis ang lamig. My phone vibrated kaya dinampot ko ito. Tiningnan ko ang oras at alas onse na pala. Puyat na naman ako nito bukas. I just ignored the time and then read the messages which is from my friends. It's in our gc.
Arthur: are you okay? nagpacheck-up ka kanina?
Nina: Sinabi ng mommy mo sa amin na sumasakit na naman daw ulo mo. How was the check-up?
Kim: Gaga ka bakit hindi mo sinabing sinusumpong kana naman pala ha??! Gusto mo talaga pinag-aalala kami ha? Ano kamusta check up, okay lang ba?!
Arthur: Tell us if your head hurts again, okay? Hindi yung sinasarili mo lang problema mo.
Nina: nandito lang naman kami lagi, Alys
Napangiti ako habang binabasa ang mga messages nila. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na parang papasuko kana pero may mga tao namang hinihila ka pataas para ipagpatuloy lang ang buhay. Nakakagaan ng pakiramdam.
Nagtipa ako ng irereply.
Me: My doctor said I need to avoid stress. Huwag na kayong mag-alala, okay lang ako.
Arthur: Hanggang kailan ka magiging okay?
Me: What do you think?
I felt a light pang on my chest with what he said. I know I won't be here for how many years. I just need to enjoy my life. That's all.
Kim: Okay stop with that topic. Nakakapanghina na kasi. I have a question, gaano na kayo katagal magkakilala ni Rainier?
Me: I don't want to talk about it. Maybe tomorrow. Matutulog na ako guys. Good night.
I turned off my phone and then lay down on my bed. I have already decided on what to do. Sana lang hindi ako magsisi.
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