J & P Book 5 - Never Let Me Go

Prologue - Nine months before the wedding - May 2011

The rain continued to fall. It was as if it would never stop.

He'd now been here for two hours, and it hadn't stopped raining since he'd arrived. He watched the rain through the window of Lucia and Robbie's spare bedroom. He hadn't yet unpacked any of his belongings from his small backpack, but when he did, when he stayed here tonight, it would be in completely opposite circumstances to the last time he'd stayed here. It seemed strangely ironic.

There was a gentle tap on the door.

"Come in," he said, in his work voice.

Lucia came in, and smiled at him, having made the connection. "I bet you say that thirty times a day, don't you."

"More like fifty, most days," Paul admitted, as she sat down next to him. She was holding a hot cup of tea.

"Thought you might appreciate this," she said, reaching over to the bedside table and putting the drink down.

"Ah yes. Tea makes everything better," said Paul, looking down. He could not look directly at Lucia.

"What's going on, Paul?"

He shook his head, determined not to break down. "I don't know."

"Why are you here? Why are you not at home with Jenny?"

"Because I've left her," he admitted, and watched Lucia's expression change as his words registered.

"I'm sorry?"

"I've left her," he repeated.

Lucia's confused face was fixed upon him. "Paul, she's in pieces already, what on earth has happened to trigger this?"

"I just... I know she blames me. Everyone blames me. She can't even look at me. She hates me, Lucia."

"No, Paul. She doesn't hate you. She loves you, and you love her. You are not thinking straight. Have you spoken to her?"

"She.. No. She won't speak to me. I told you. She won't even look at me."

Lucia took Paul by the hands. "Jenny is not herself at the moment. It's only been a week. She will come round, and when she does, she's going to need you, more than ever before. You have to go home and talk to her about this."

"I left her a note. It was the only way of saying what I wanted to say to her. She's just been shutting me out."

"And what did you want to say to her?"

"That I need to go. I should never have come back. Just look at the damage I've done since I came back. She had such a lovely life. Now... Her family have all turned against her, she'll probably never be able to have another child, and she's emotionally scarred and constantly feeling guilty about the way Andrew's childhood is panning out."

Lucia's understanding face looked on, and let him speak. She was a counsellor and she was clearly in work mode.

"I told her, nearly nine years ago, that if I stayed with her, I would keep hurting her. That's why I went then. That's why I have to go now. I should never have come back."

Lucia shook her head. "You have said to me, on more than one occasion, that you made the biggest mistake of your life that day. We learn from our mistakes, Paul. She needs you. Remember what I said, just the other night? You two need to hold on to each other." She was still holding his hands, and tightened her grip on them.