Okay, I'm Okay. [JJK]

29

The Story of The Crush: PART XIV

Okay, I'm okay.

This must be the punishment brought by the universe itself.

The text wasn't supposed to be just 'I'm sorry'. It was supposed to be followed by my explanation, but as I type the third sentence, my phone froze. The phonescreen is not responding again.

Panic.

That word couldn't describe what I felt. I'm in depths of it. I was too agitated by what was happening that I had to step on my feet right away, walk towards the other bed, and shake my peaceful roommate to wake him up and borrow his phone. If I could be selfish before, then I should be selfish now. I would do anything to explain to you.

But Jimin hyung pulled my arm and made me sit beside him on his bed instead.

"Calm down, will you? Breathe." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "What are the odds that your phone broke at the perfect timing? Maybe you're meant to talk to her in person. I think it's petty to confess to her over phone."

He's right.

"Where are you going?" He asked. His eyes landed on my back as I jolted myself up, walking towards the door.

"To her dorm." I answered, kneeling down to reach for my shoes on the doorway.

"What? You can do it tomorrow."

"What if she's crying right now? I--"

"Exactly!" He exclaimed and that made me paused on my tracks. "How would you clear things up if none of you has the right mind? Besides, it's a ladies' dorm and it's curfew already. How would you approach her tonight?"

Again.

He's right.

Breathe. Think. Talk.

That's what Jimin hyung told me that night. For the first time in forever, I thanked him for being nosy. Things could have been worse if I acted recklessly. Hence I waited for the whole night to pass so I could speak to you the next day.

But what am I thinking exactly? How am I supposed to talk exactly? How should I start the conversation exactly?

Should I admit that you were my rebound first before I confess my developed feelings for you? Or should I confess first? Either way you will always end up hurt for a stupid person like me made fun of your feelings. Either way you will be disgusted--

"Yo, bro. Are you listening?" Eunwoo snapped me from my thoughts. He was probably talking about the upcoming school sports fest as we stand on the corridor. His words were totally unheard but I still nodded nonetheless.

"Y-yeah." I lied and it was probably obvious. My eyes kept looking over his shoulder, focused on you.

You were putting things in your locker. We were six meters apart but I could still hear you sigh. I could hear the sadness that I brought.

Then your eyes caught mine.

The same sadness and disappointment were distinct to your gaze. You really cried last night.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I had to look away.

Okay, I'm ok--

@jiminiepark
Are you a statue
or something?
Seen.

It's been two weeks since the last time we texted, and I couldn't keep you outside my mind, not that I want that to happen though. I miss you. If it wasn't for Jimin hyung's text, I would still remained dazed, thinking about you. Slowly, I came back to reality, pushing my memories aside. I suddenly remember where I actually am. The loudness of the gym hurt my ears again.