Sanders School for the Performing Arts *on hiatus*

Ratmus

(photo credit: unknown, if you know please let me know)

Warnings: Remus (let me know if i need to add more)

Janus and Remus' first class at SSAP ended a couple hours ago, and they were sat in the common room with Virgil. It was just the three of them as Remy left a note saying that he was going out with Emile.

Janus and Virgil were playing gin rummy while Remus blurted out whatever random thoughts entered his head. The other two just nodded along, not paying him much attention.

"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol, and an inside wound with drinking alcohol."

"Ever wondered how many random strangers you've seen on the last day of their lives?"

"I'm like a shower."

Janus sighed, knowing that he was going to regret this, but asked anyway, "how so?"

"Every naked person I see turns me on" Remus gave his psychotic little giggle as Janus and Virgil groaned.

"How would a mermaid give birth?"

"A tie is just a massive arrow pointing to your dick"

"Male echidnas have four-headed penises. Male ducks have corkscrew-shaped penises, and some even have barbs at the end to scrub away leftover sperm in the female from rival males."

"Rabbits will eat their own young if they're stressed enough. Cannibalism is pretty damn common in hamsters."

"Dogs like squeaky toys because it reminds them of a small animal being killed."

"The FDA allows small amounts of rat droppings in candy bars."

"Butterflies have been known to drink blood."

"Moths will vibrate their genitals as a way to prevent a bat from locating them."

"If you think about it, birthdays are really satanic rituals about chanting around a flaming object that represents the number of years taken off your life, upon which the flames are blown out and a knife is stabbed through it."

"Remus, for the love of all things unholy, shut up!" Janus growled as he picked up a card

"No, no he's got a point" Virgil muttered, shooting Remus a smirk, "because there are always pregnant people, the average number of skeletons is always more than one."

Remus beamed like the proud parent that he was. He and Virgil used to co-own a shitpost Tumblr blog during high school so Janus and Remy had to suffer through their 'brainstorming' during lunches.

"Plants need sunlight and water, right? And sunlight is yellow and water is blue. Yellow and blue make green. Plants are green."

"Fuck this!" Janus threw down his cards and stormed up the stairs ignoring Remus and Virgil as they cackled.

"It's too easy" Remus wiped away an imaginary tear, still laughing

"You should go and check on him, make sure he doesn't burn any of our stuff again," Virgil said, calming down and picking up the cards.

Remus clicked his tongue and gave Virgil the finger guns, before bounding up the stairs. He knocked on Janus' door,

"Baby? Sweetheart? Love of my life? Snake-bitch?"

The door swung open, "what?"

Janus was trying not to let his amusement show. He wanted to see how far he could take it. However, despite what everyone thinks, Remus is pretty smart and that Janus was playing him. So, he put on the best puppy dog eyes he could muster and turned on the waterworks,