The Art of Starting Over

Chapter 31 - The Waiting Room

My leg twitches uncontrollably. I check my phone. It's almost two-thirty p.m. Three hours. The nurse said the procedure takes about three hours. It's been three hours and twenty minutes.

I get up and start pacing around the green waiting area, tracing the perimeter of the room. Twice. Three times. I sit down opposite the lifts, and I wait. I check my phone. Two thirty-four. Two thirty-four and no messages. No calls. Nothing.

The door of the Gynae ward opens and two young nurses walk out. One of them is Romina, Millie's nurse. I stand up.

"I'm sorry, qalbi, they haven't called us yet," Romina says.

It's like someone's punctured my heart with a safety pin. "But is everything okay?"

The lift arrives and the other nurse steps in to hold it while she waits for Romina. "I should think so. They would tell us if something went wrong," she answers kindly. "It hasn't been that long, qalbi. There's no reason for you to worry. They wouldn't have started the procedure immediately. And she has to spend about another hour in the Recovery Room after they wake her. We can't bring her up before she's fully recovered from the anaesthetic."

I look blankly at her. I know she's right but I'm worried. I want to know she's okay.

"Okay," I nod. "Sorry for keeping you."

Romina smiles at me and joins her friend in the elevator. I check my phone again. Two thirty-six. No texts. No calls. 

I plop myself on the chair again and as soon as I do, my phone begins to vibrate. I answer it without even checking who it is.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ally, is Mills ready?" Sosa's voice says.

My heart drops a good few inches from its original position. I feel like crying. I put my face in my hands, trying to keep it together. "No," I answer. "I just spoke to her nurse and she said there's nothing to worry about. It's normal that it takes this long."

I hear her sigh at the other end. "Okay. Well, I'm leaving home now. I'll be there very soon, okay?"

I shake my head and put my phone down for a second. I really appreciate Sosa's support through all this but I'm not in a state to be around people. I can't bear to sit still and I get dizzy as soon as I stand up. My tummy is rumbling with hunger and yet the thought of food makes me sick. I'm scared to wait here by myself but I'm really not in the mood to talk to anyone. I hear Sosa's voice asking if I'm still on the line. I look at the screen. No new messages.

"Okay," I say finally into the phone. "I'll see you soon."

The doors of the lift open and Romina and her colleague appear with their lunches in hand. They smile kindly as they walk past me and back to the ward. I start pacing again, but no matter how many laps I do, it's not enough to outrace the thoughts in my head.

He didn't call. He didn't answer my texts. He didn't talk to me at all. Not on the way home. Not when he dropped me off at the end of the alley. I myself couldn't even breathe out his name let alone speak. My chest is still bruised from hearing the car roar off as soon as I closed the door. And he didn't reply later when I texted him after staring at my bedroom ceiling for a whole hour, my brain numb and neurotic at the same time.

'What if something happened to him?' that nasty voice in my head hisses. There was no drifting, no wild stunts on our way back from the beach, but he didn't stop at the red lights either. He wasn't checking mirrors or blind spots. He didn't take his eyes off the road at all.

I texted him again this morning to let him know Millie and I were on our way to the hospital. I tried calling him when Millie was settled in her room to tell him the name of the ward and how to find it, but he didn't pick up. So, I texted him the details instead, asking him to reply so I could put my mind at rest that he was okay. Nothing. I tried calling again when they took Nanna Millie down to the Operating Room. And again, while I was waiting. Nothing.