The Art of Starting Over

Chapter 56 - Sweet, Sweet Purgatory

I wake up with the sheets tangled around my legs. The room is flooded with sunlight. It must be at least nine o'clock in the morning. Looking over my shoulder, I realise I'm alone in the room.

For a brief moment, I'm scared that it didn't really happen, that it was just another dream. But my sore body and fluttering stomach tell me otherwise.

I slept with Jeremy.

I gush at the memory of his body on top of mine. It feels strange. Like I can remember every single detail, every breath, every whisper, and yet at the same time, it feels like a blur of warmth and white and light.

I remember how his hands explored me carefully and his mouth caressed every angle, every crevice of my body. There was no tomorrow as his hot breath set me on fire over and over, no yesterday as he claimed me, all of me, slowly and gently at first, as though I might break in his hands. And then desperate and urgent as though we were right on the edge of the Earth, the elements consuming us mercilessly. He held my hands in his. His eyes never left mine and I gave in to him without thinking. Over and over. I was so pleasantly lost in him that I never wanted to be found.

Was that was it was like? Or was it just because it was him?

I slept with Jeremy!

I stuff my face into my pillow to drown out the fit of giggles that takes over me. I hug it to my body as I inhale his scent.

I'm not an idiot. I know this won't last long. I know sex, no matter how life-changing it was for me, is just another dance at the ball for him. But that's okay. I knew what I was getting myself into and I still know it now. I just want to bask in the stillness before all hell breaks loose. 

Because it will. 

But the relief, the break from everything that's happened in the last weeks, months even, is refreshing and... indescribably good.

I try to ground myself. Who knows which side of Jeremy I will have to face when he returns from wherever he ran off to?

Is he angry for breaking his resolve to stay away from me? Is he upset that I didn't tell him the whole truth before it was too late? Will he even speak to me?

He must think I'm an idiot. A young, naive, inexperienced idiot. But it doesn't matter. Jeremy knows me. He knows me better than anyone. He showed me that last night.

But still I wonder... Will he come back before the moon rises and the sun goes down? Will he be alone when he does?

I shake the dark thoughts out of my head. I'm sure I'll find out soon enough anyway.

Feeling dehydrated, I decide to get out of bed and fetch a glass of water. Then I'll pinch one of Jeremy's books and go to read it by the beach. Clear my head a bit. It looks like it's a beautiful day outside and Jeremy probably won't be home for a while. He's probably out running, or maybe he was called into work.

I look around for my underwear in vain. All I see are my jeans flung carelessly in a corner on the floor, and Jeremy's shirt hanging from my desk by the orchid. I smile mischievously to myself and don on his shirt, appreciating the soft cotton against my skin. Still reeling from the memory of his touch, I head for the kitchen sniffing the collar happily. But as I walk through the door and lift my eyes, I realise I am not alone after all.

"Sweet Jesus!" I scream and run back into my room quickly, shutting the door behind me. My heart races and I cover my mouth with my hands as I rest my head against the door.

What the actual fuck is he doing?

Jeremy's rumbling laugh resonates through the door and I hide my face in my hands, foolishly grinning despite myself.