The Art of Starting Over

Chapter 46 - The Blow

I winced as I took out the loaded tray from the dishwasher and set it on the sink. I started polishing the glasses mechanically. It was still early. There was hardly anyone in the bar. The Latino music was loud in my ears, just how I liked it. It filled the crannies in my head and didn't leave room for anything but the routine polishing movements, setting the glasses upside down on the shelves, one next to the other like soldiers ready for battle. It was soothing. Grounding. It brought order and order was good. Order and routine and rules.

No secrets. No yelling. No accidents. Because they weren't accidents. I knew that now.

I loaded another tray and winced again as I lowered it into the dishwasher and programmed another cycle. I straightened up and breathed slowly until the tenderness in my ribs subsided. Not deep breaths. Deep breaths were painful for now. But it wouldn't be for long. Give it two days. It would pass.

The memory of Keith's livid face, inches away from mine, flecks of his spit in my eyes, his words worming their way deep inside my head... that would take longer to go away and it hurt more than all my bruises put together.

I had been fine. Things had been falling into place. The morning after Sosa moved in, Keith and I had turned the storage room into a cosy little bedroom for her. She was calmer. Happier. And so was I.

A few days later, she told her father she had moved out. Because obviously, he didn't even notice. She told him about Derek, and he was surprisingly supportive. He wanted to report him to the police, but she didn't let him. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone where she was as long as she stayed in touch, which she did.

Mr Mifsud even visited occasionally, sometimes with Eileen something, sometimes on his own, just so that he could see for himself that his daughter was doing okay. Last week, Sosa and I prepared a meal and the five of us ate together. Keith and Mr Mifsud talked about football all night. They were both Manchester United fans. We were left chatting with Eileen something and eventually had to admit she was a nice person and that she was good for Sosa's father. That night felt good. Like we were striving towards some form of normality. 

And while Keith and I still argued, our cold apartment was beginning to feel like home. Or at least, it did for about two weeks.

Derek found Sosa like a looming promise. He came over to the store, not giving a damn about me, the clients or the surveillance cameras. Sosa tried to fend him off but, seeing the maddened look in his eyes, I pulled her into the back room and locked the door from the inside while I called Jeremy. I had held a shaking Sosa, tightly covering her ears, as I listened helplessly to Derek tearing up the store on the other side of the door. Then Jeremy's voice come, strong and resounding, not on the phone but on the other side of the door. I opened it just enough to peep through the small gap.

Jeremy hadn't even batted an eye as he grabbed Derek from behind his shoulders and threw him out onto the pavement, threatening to call the police if he ever so much as saw him lurking around the square. Derek had spat at him and mumbled something about minding his own business, but he quickly scrambled into his car and drove off when Jeremy practically lurched at him again.

Jeremy rushed back to us as we slowly crept out of the back room. His eyes had not left my face for a second, scanning me like an X-ray monitor. I almost burst into tears. I hadn't seen him in months. I thought he would reach out. I thought he would take me into his arms just like he used to. And I would have run straight into them, even if just to have a moment of peace, even if just to wrap myself in his safety for mere seconds. But Jeremy closed his eyes and told us to take the rest of the day off.

Sosa and I hadn't said much on our way home and, once we got inside, we just sat on the balcony drinking coffee, staring out over the green fields. I asked her about Shaun, but she just shook her head. Maybe he wasn't in the picture anymore.