The Art of Starting Over

Chapter 49 - Found

My heart was racing, but my mind was moving so slowly it was almost at a standstill. I pulled back to try and gauge his reaction, even though I couldn't make heads or tails of my own thoughts. Jeremy looked just as dazed and confused as I felt. His strong arms were still around me, his face still inclined towards mine.

Maybe it was the austerity of my situation, maybe it was the anisette and the memories of better days, or maybe it was just him and the way he smelt and the way he felt... here, now, finally. But before I could stop myself, I found myself kissing him again, relishing with great astonishment how gentle his mouth was against mine, how soft his lips were and how they moved in perfect unison with my own, like they had done this a hundred times before. His rough stubble grazed my face, leaving a welcome sting on my skin. He tasted like honey, coffee and alcohol and it was intoxicating.

His arms relaxed around me as his hands wrapped around my waist. My hands climbed slowly up his chest and, as my fingers wrapped around his neck, he took in a sharp breath and leaned deeper into the kiss as though he had just realised what was happening. The intensity, the hunger, his grip on me, our bodies burst into flames and everything around us faded away. There was only the sound of our hearts pounding against our chests, the feel of his tongue exploring my mouth, the avid pull of his hands at my waist.

I went slightly dizzy. I needed to come up for air, but I didn't dare tear my lips away from his. I twisted my fingers into his sweater and effectively pulled him even closer. He responded by kissing me harder, desperate and urgent. 

And then, without warning, he brought his hands up to my face, holding me in place while he stepped away from me.

It was like being rushed up from the depths of the ocean far too quickly. I opened my eyes and was surprised by all the light in the room. The sun was fully risen in the sky. Jeremy was standing about four feet away from me, chest heaving, hands behind his head. His swollen lips were still parted, as were mine. His hair was dishevelled and his sweater stretched from where my fingers had been clutching it.

I tried to reclaim some control over myself, but seeing the look in his eyes, dark, focused and panicked at the same time, I knew I had no hope of that. I tried to think about what the hell it was that I was doing, and that was when I realised... I didn't care.

A wave of savage recklessness took over me and, in two quick strides, I closed the distance between us and I was back on him, kissing him impatiently. His fingers instantly lost themselves in my hair as he kissed me back greedily. We staggered backwards and forwards until my back slammed against the island. He pressed further into me, his hands tilting my head back so he had better access to my mouth. An insatiable void started to build somewhere in my abdomen and my hands wandered over his back. But then his mouth hardened and, again, he pulled away.

This time his hands stayed on my shoulders, keeping me at a safe distance. But I saw the agonising look in his eyes, as though it was causing him physical pain to do so.

"What?" I say breathlessly.

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He took in a slow breath and shook his head, looking defeated. He cursed under his breath as his eyes dropped to the floor.

"I can't," he groans eventually.

I stared back at him, confused. His hands slipped down from my face to my neck, leaving a red-hot trail behind them.

"What?"

"I can't," he repeats, still obstinately looking away from me.

"You can't what? Kiss me?"

He gave me a brief look as though I was losing my mind before he let go of me and walked away, running his fingers through his tousled hair.

"Wow!" I sigh in disbelief, a new kind of hurt weaving its way through my chest. I couldn't help but think that I was possibly the only girl Jeremy James Cordina had ever refused to kiss.