pained. (Jason McCann)

staying up

"And there's a light, and I can see why I'm still alive
Mommy won't lie, cause if she did, I would've died
All the time I sit and try, you think I'd be down
Every night, I'm sick and why, oh, I'm staying up this time
How can I sleep if I don't have dreams?
I just have nightmares
How can it be?
I still believe something is out there."

-----------

Sunday 2:37am

Jason's POV

"Ryan, did you get it?" I asked through the phone.

"Yeah man I'm at the gas station right now. You want anything."

"Yeah get me some cigarettes." I said.

"Alright man bye." He replied and hung up.

"He got the money?" Chaz questioned as he walks in.

"Yeah" I smirked.

"Let's get new guns." Christian suggested.

"Sure. We do need new ones" I said.

"It's up to you tho your the leader" He smiled.

Two Hours Later

-Middle of Dream-

"Please don't hurt me!" I screamed at him.

"don't worry it'll only hurt for a second." He chuckled.

"Please don't hurt him he's done nothing wrong." My mom begged.

The man laughed and raised the gun to my head.

He pulled the trigger.

But I didn't feel anything.

I looked infront of me and saw my mom.

"Mommy!" I ran towards her body.

She was dead.

-End of Dream-

I woke heavily breathing and sweating.

I have the same dream all the time.

That's why I don't sleep.

Fuck it they're not dreams.

They're nightmares.

I sighed and looked at the time.

4:47 am my clock read.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I got up from my bed and went downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed a beer.

I popped it opened and took a sip.

I miss my old life.

I miss my family.

My parents especially.

I miss having to walk around without anyone calling the police.

I miss having someone to love.

I did have a girlfriend once but I caught her fucking someone random guy.

She didn't even care about me.

She didn't try to explain anything she just looked at me in shock.

She didn't talked to me after that.

-Flashback-

I was so happy.

Today was my one year anniversary with my girlfriend.

So I decided to go to her house and take her out.