pained. (Jason McCann)

alone

There was nothing that I could do

'Cause you fell into the deepest depression baby

And I hate to know I'm responsible

Then your heart fills up with so much aggression baby

You got used to being alone, alone

You adapted, now you're used to being alone, all alone

Oooh you got used to being on your own

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Sunday 8:03am

"Jackie, wait." He grabbed my arm.

"Let me go please."

"I'm not gonna hurt you please just stay or at least let me walk you home." He begged.

"Fine walk me home." I said.

We began walking.

"Tell me about yourself." I said as I was bored.

"You know enough about me." He said.

"No I dont."

"Alright fine. I miss me." He sighed.

"What?"

"I miss the old me. The real me. The happy one. The one who doesn't kill people. The one that had a complete family. The one that had everything. The one that used to not give a shit about anything. The one that had a good life. I miss myself. My life sucks. I hate it. I miss my parents. I miss it when people used to like me. I miss its when I didn't know how to use a gun. Fuck, I miss I everything." He spoke.

He seemed sad so sad. I felt bad for him. He was actually really nice and I like him.

"I do too" I said.

"No you don't. You have a family. You just don't want me to feel bad. You love yourself too much.You have a perfect life. You have a complete fa-"

"I don't have a family. He's not real brother not even blood related. I hate him and my foster parents. It was my fault I lost my whole family. I don't have a perfect life..... I don't love myself at all." I cut him off.

"Oh. I'm sorry." he said.

"No it's my fault. I was a jerk. i didn't know why I was mean to you. I heard your conversation earlier. I don't trust people easily. I guess i just got used to being alone so much that I forgot how to trust people. But for some reason I trusted as soon as I was in your house. You are so nice. I know you who are but I don't care. As long as you don't hurt me, I can trust you" I voiced.

"I don't trust people easily either. Simply because I'm afraid. I'm afraid and I don't wanna get hurt either. I loved once but it didn't work out. They cheated on me and that drained up all the trust I had left. And it wasn't that much. But you're different and in a good way. I like how when I invited you in you didnt deny. You just asked where. I like how you agreed to stay. Most people would barely see my face and suddenly just pull out their phone and dial 911. But you didnt and even when you knew who I am. I like that about you it's nice. I have trust issues. It even took me nine years to trust myself. And I still don't fully trust myself." He explained.

"We only met a couple hours ago but I feel like I can trust you a lot." I smiled.

"Wanna hang out tomorrow then to know each other better." He questioned.

"Sure." I agreed.

I looked around I was home already.

"This is it." I sighed.