It's a mess but it's our mess

3.

Sean walked into his bedroom quickly stripping himself of his clothes grabbing a towel out of his closet and walking into his bathroom that was attached to his room. Sean put the towel somewhere it wouldn't get wet and turned on the shower.

He let the cold water fall over his body as he thought about Finn, you gotta stop thinking about him dude, he's a stranger and Lyla told you herself, he's bad news, why do I feel so fucking vulnerable around him and why is it I can't stop staring at him, why do I find him so fucking...hot, Sean thought to himself. Sean didn't realized he was jerking off to the thought of Finn.

Sean's POV

I closed my eyes letting my body fall against the cold wall while I was jerking myself off to the thought of Finn, his hand wrapped around my cock his other hand squeezing my ass and his lips planted on my neck while his body was pressed up against me. How he'd slowly move down, kissing down my collarbone, my chest, to my stomach before taking my cock in his mouth taking it all in. I quickly slap my hand over my mouth trying to not moan so loud Daniel or my father will hear me as I finish in my hand. When I open my eyes I'm kind of disappointed Finn isn't there to kiss me, wait no, I got to stop thinking like that, he has a girlfriend... right, yeah that Hannah girl, she seemed to be his girlfriend, plus you're not gay.

3rd person

Sean kept telling himself that Finn had a girlfriend as he tried to convince himself he wasn't gay nor pan nor Bisexual but he also knew fooling himself, he couldn't do for to long.

Sean went to bed early that day not really wanting to think about a Finn.

"Come on," Finn said grabbing Sean's arm, they were at the party Finn had invited Sean to, it was already a little late as some people started to go back home or to their tent. "What are you...," Sean cut himself off when Finn pulled him into the woods and pushed him against one of the trees. Finn just smiled as he slowly kissed Sean's neck. Sean let out a soft moan stopping Finn, "don't you have a girlfriend," Sean said not giving a care in with world if anyone could see him make out with a boy. "Who... Hans, no just the occasional hook up," Finn said against Sean's lips breathing heavily as he took of his own shirt along with Sean before kissing him. It was a quick, sloppy but passionate kiss as both boys were moaning into it not really caring if anyone could hear them.

(listen to Ben Lee - I'm Willing)

Finn pulled away from Sean grabbing his hand and their shirts as he walked further into the woods to a small open flat space in between some trees, there wasn't much there just a two blankets one they could lay on and the other to cover them and some small white Christmas light glowing as they were put up against the trees. Sean was smiling at Finn's excited expression and Finn slowly pushed Sean down onto the blanket. Finn just looked at Sean naked chest as his hands where in the side of his head before Finn slowly got on top of Sean. Sean placed his hands on Finn's back pulling him closer while Finn's hands cupped Sean's cheeks. They changed positions as Sean slowly kissed Finn's neck down to the waistband of Finn's pants. He nodded as Sean took of Finn's pants before moving back to his face kissing him again. They switched again as Finn now laid down between Sean's legs feeling his legs wrap around his waist. Finn smiled at Sean so fort kissing him again. It was soft and sweet both boy lost in the moment. Finn slowly started to move down Sean's chest taking off his pants as well. They kissed again and turned around as Sean pulled up Finn with him feeling his cold hands against his own back while he held Finn by the back of his neck kissing him.

After a while of just rolling around on the ground making out in their underwear Sean sat up pulling Finn with him again. "This is amazing," Sean said sitting on Finn's lap with his hands holding Finn by the back of his head. "Yet, you deny this," Finn said giving Sean a soft kiss. "I...I don't know, what I'm doing, I'm just trying to find the best thing to do," Sean said unsure looking at the dread headed boy in front of him. "If the best thing to do if hide your feelings, pretend you're someone your not, then do that, but if you want to keep the people that are in your life right now, you might wanna start being yourself, tell them the truth, ask them questions even if you're scared," Finn said tugging a strand of hair behind Sean's ear. Sean let out a deep breath looking down at Finn's lap he was sitting on. "What if they....," "only one way to find out sweetheart," Finn said cupping Sean's cheek as a soft warm smile appeared of Finn's face. "Thank you," Sean leaned in for a kiss but Finn was gone, he was alone, in the middle of a forest. "This is what you will be when you tell them... ALONE," "you're an ABOMINATION," "you're not good, you're DISGUSTING," he heard his friends and family say this there voices echoing though the forest but most importantly he heard himself say it. Sean pulled up his knees covering his ear with his hands, while he putting his face in his knees, while he was still in his boxers. "I...I'm scared," Sean mumbled. The voices disappeared... he was alone again.

Sean sat up sweat dripping down his face, his heart was pounding, and tears rolling down his cheeks. He stood up from his bed putting on his sweatpants and grabbed his phone. "4:50," he mumbled. He grabbed his EarPods not caring to put on a shirt or sweater. He just left the house, he ran down the street to Finn's house, when he was there he just stood there, looking at the house not even getting close tot he front door. He sat down on Finn's front porch, was he high, was he okay, was he going crazy. That where the onto thoughts going through Sean's mind. Sean didn't realize someone had sat down next to him. "Sean," Finn asked for the third time. Sean looked beside him seeing Finn was holding a blanket. "Are you cold," he asked pulling it over Sean's shoulders. "I...I'm good thanks," Sean said grabbing the sides of the blankets. Fin rested his head on Sean's shoulder not questioning anything.