It's a mess but it's our mess

Im back... i hope

So over the years/months I've never been shy to talk about my mental and physical health cause long story short it sucks... so I started writing a lot and I loved it Shadowhunters helped me through the tough times and when I needed it the most... I lost it but I have great people around my best friend (which I will get to in a little) and I loved writing reading your comments and hearing what you thought about the book and over the years... I lost that, I don't know when I don't know how (but I know somethings starting right now! Sorry disney reference) but I lost it and seeing people a year after I wrote this book still commenting on it, it makes me so so happy, it makes me regret that I stopped writing, it makes me wanna hit myself for stopping, cause knowing people loved my books gave me hope and life to be very honest. And i just wanna go back to that, change happens to a person to everything and everyone around us, but I'm trying really really hard to find my passion for writing again, finding what originally drew me to shadowhunters to malec to my passion, I do wanna take a moment to plug my twitch twitch.tv/starkelpie I stream as often as I can so if you want drop a follow and please help me get affiliated, for now I wanna go over to the second point I wanna talk about, my anxiety and how it's skyrocketing right now...

So I accused my best friend of catfishing me...

There I said it and I feel horrible about it, I'm not gonna tell the whole story but shit happened I was stupid and believe the most toxic person I have ever met... and it was a massive mistake and I hate him for that, I hate myself for that, luckily my best friend forgave me. And I still love him very very much of course he wouldn't be my best friend if he didn't make me feel worse about myself by telling me his life story. So yeah he is on vacation right now and I am so so scared to face him... I don't know why but I am, so yeah, he is my person, he listens to me when I need someone and I can laugh with him, I can dream with but he can he straight forward with me when he needs to be or when I need to face reality and I love that about him which makes me doing, thinking what I did so much worse for me so yeah, that's why my anxiety is much worse then normal which isn't a very good thing... I just wanted to share that.

I love you guys I might not know you in person or anything like that but I love you guys. And I'm gonna try and continue the stories and I hope you guys will support me! I know this was random and a random subject but I just really needed to tell someone about it... like I said I love you guys  and I will continue to write as much as I can!