Friends With Benefits

Chapter 8

Once Camila and I had finally got some food into our stomachs, we found ourselves in the back lounge. Camila had her head in my lap with my hands tangled in her hair, and a movie was playing. I was not exactly sure what movie we were watching, I was too engrossed in staring at the younger girl lying underneath me.

"Laur, I have a question." Camila said. Her brown eyes pierced through mine. I wasn't sure what was happening to me, but I thought that she had never looked so beautiful. Her lips were swollen, her chocolate brown hair was all over the place, and her makeup was a mess. The dark mascara had clumped together, and most of her face makeup had come off. Though she was somewhat a mess, she was so gorgeous in my eyes.

"What's your question?"

"Why did you let me do that with you? I know it sounds kind of stupid, but haven't you always pictured your first time being special?" She questioned, which totally caught me off guard. My mind flashed back to the time when the girls asked if I was a virgin, and I told them that I was. I felt bad for lying, but the truth was, I had let Luis take me when we got a break to go back home.

"It wasn't my first time..." I started, and I swear, I saw her expression drop. Her usually happy smile now looked a bit gloomier. "Luis was my first"

"Well, was it special?" She asked. I tried to recall the memory, but couldn't help but cringe when I thought of it. It was forced and sloppy, and I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have. Sure, it was fun, but it wasn't something that I would consider 'special'.

"No, not really. I think that in order for your first time to be special, you have to be in love with the person that you're giving yourself to." I told her, and her eyebrows furrowed.

"You don't love him?" She questioned. I stroked the top of her head with my hand, and smiled sadly.

"I don't."

"Then why are you with him?" She continued. My movements stopped, and I genuinely thought about it.

Yes, he was a nice guy, and he was attractive. His light brown hair and brown eyes never ceased to make me smile, but did he give me the butterflies that I craved? Was he my better half? Did I actually feel 'that' way for him? No. Then why was I with him? I guess there was an unknown reason as to why, but my guess was because it gave me reassurance. Reassurance that I was not what the fans said I was, reassurance that I did not have feelings for Camila, if any girls for that matter. It made me feel good that I was with a boy, and I could flaunt our relationship, and get judged less by people who were assuming things about me.

"It's hard to explain." I told her, and she simply nodded her head. Her eyes wandered around the room, seemingly thinking as to what else she wanted to ask me. After a few moments, she finally spoke up.

"Have you ever been in love?" She questioned, and it made my mind race a mile a minute. When someone asks if you've ever been in love, you should be able to answer with a quick 'yes or no', but that was not the case for me.

Yes, I had been with many boys, but none of them made me feel like I was in a fairy-tale, or like I was floating on cloud nine, and that was the way that I pictured love. Love, to me, was being so infatuated with another person that it feels like you are on another universe. You're so happy that you forget about the things that surround you, and are only focused on the person. I wasn't sure if that was how it was supposed to be, but I knew that I had never been in love with anyone that I had ever dated. Sure, I had said "I love you" but did I actually ever mean it? No.

"I don't think I have... Have you?" I questioned, already knowing the answer. Of course she has never been in love, she's only been interested in one boy, and he wasn't someone that she would fall in love with.