Hidden Feelings - A Draco Malfoy Love Story

Chapter Fifty-Four

I am now entirely certain that my brain is full of bullshit.

Just weeks ago I was ready to completely give up my relationship with Draco because I was roughly 98% sure he's a death eater. Yet after letting everything go and ranting to my mom (who I temporarily hated for doing this very thing), I'm back where I was before I found out about Draco; in love and just mildly desperate to win him back.

I need to start by apologizing. After that, although this isn't the best path to take, I'm just going to pretend I know nothing. If I get close enough to him again, maybe he'll finally admit something. I don't think I'll be able to do it if I keep dwelling on this possibility, however, so I'm trying incredibly hard to forget it for now.

I hear what happened to the burrow the moment I get onto the train, however, and I realize just how hard that is going to be.

Another issue is the fact that before I even yelled at him, he proposed a relationship with no meaning. I don't know how I'd earn his forgiveness, let alone move him away from that idea. I want what we used to have, and I want it to mean something. I at least want to know that it has a possibility of meaning something to him.

I see Draco the moment I enter the great hall and our eyes meet after a moment. To my surprise, he doesn't immediately look away, but tilts his head toward the door before standing up and walking. I nod, and continue with my friends to the table.

After a minute or two, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and head toward the corridor. I'm beyond nervous the moment I see him, not sure how I want to apologize. 'Hey, I'm sorry I was a jerk and completely rejected the idea of us ever being together?'

My heart skips a beat the moment I see him. I can tell he's troubled just by his posture, and I'm sure that when he turns around his face will say the same. I approach him slowly, my stomach twisting into knots that likely won't ever be released. This feels like something we've done countless times - it is something we've done countless times - secretly meeting in the hall to figure things out that inevitably fall apart in the end.

"Hey," I say softly once I'm there beside him. He turns around quickly with a flinch, letting out a sigh of relief when he sees me.

"You barely made a sound," he explains when I give him a questioning look. I offer a small smile, nodding a little.

"Sorry." I look down, clearing my throat a little. "Not just for sneaking up on you. For yelling at you. And...for saying I'm over you. Because I'm far from it, Draco."

He slowly nods. "I'm sorry, too. For being a jerk and not even telling you why."

For a moment he looks as if he's about to admit it; in a split second, I panic and start talking again before he can get anything out so he won't say what I fear him saying most.

"If you do want to try again, Draco, I want to too. That's not to put pressure on you, I mean, I was a huge git to you."

He opens his mouth, his expression bordering on terror. I'm waiting for the dreaded words to come out, but after a few long moments, he closes his mouth with a sigh.

"I'd really like that," he says, and lets out a breath of a laugh, the first smile I've seen in ages flickering over his face. "You're sure?"

I nod a little too enthusiastically, and I would be embarrassed if I wasn't so happy to see his smile grow.

"Even if it doesn't mean as much as it used to?"

What does that mean? Does he still want us to stay unattached?

However, I'm so excited at the prospect of being with him at all that I don't think and just nod again. "Sure...like...we continue meeting but aren't necessarily-"