Someday,maybe...again ( eruri )

Reasons

Sorry again for being this late...
AngelicPhoenix, here u go ^^

<<< Levi pov >>>

I don't know why I said what I said. Erwin already made it crystal clear that he didn't want this relationship to continue. And I'm pretty sure that has in no way changed. What I know, is that I don't want him to keep giving me half-assed excuses, half-assed stares, and half-assed break-up lines. I just need a clean break. I'm not saying I want him to move away or that I am looking for a new apartment if -when- he says no. Fuck that. But I need to know for sure that whatever he chooses there will be no going back... whatever regrets there may be, we'll either be undeniably over, Or not.

So on the 1st day, I do everything humanly possible to avoid him. I know he's going to say we're through, and hearing it in a day or three wouldn't and will not make any difference. Like I've said his decision has long since been made, and nothing in this world could make Erwin waver. But this time I'll be DEMANDING an explanation. If I want to ever be able to move on, and if he so much as cares about me still, he will answer me. I need these 3 days. More than he does, be it to come up with an explanation, or to bring himself to say it. I need them to anchor myself for anything he might say. It will certainly not be easy on me to finally know why I'm no good after all. What suddenly made him realize why this wouldn't work. But I will. Whatever he may think of that. End of story.

2nd day.

I'm aware of myself getting more and more anxious by the minute. Sometimes I even catch myself thinking that maybe, just maybe, he's taking his time making his decision, because he is regretting breaking up in the first place, and thinking of ways to explain himself and ask for us to be together again. But then, I would come back to my senses, and realize that the only reason he still hasn't given me his answer is because I've actively been avoiding him. And that even if he indeed was thinking it through, he would be thinking of ways to say no without hurting me. And if, just if, he wants us to get back together, he's gonna have to deal with me shoving any excuses up his ass; As much as I love Erwin, and want him by my side, I don't think I could ever trust him again if he just did this on a whim. 

3rd day.

OK, so now anyone can tell just how fidgety I am. I don't wanna admit it's because I'm anxious about the outcome of this whole thing. I already know how it's gonna end and I've braced myself fro the rejection coming my way, but a part of me, that I've been trying in vain to tuck in a desolate corner of my mind, still hopes for an impossible upturn. It's not anxiety, it's an itching to be done with it once and for all, to get it over with and move on that has me now in the hallway, facing my apartment, sitting by Erwin's door, in an I-like-to-think-a-nonchalant-way but that really is not, judging by how many times my hands have clenched and unclenched since I got here - that is only for me to know though. And when Erwin gets there, I already know by the look in his eyes what he's gonna say. Who am I trying to fool? Seeing rejection in his eyes fucking stings... No matter how much I've mentally prepared myself for this, no matter how many times I've said  I wouldn't go back to him... I still give everything to have my Erwin back.

I get up and out of his way as he opens the door and motions for me to follow him inside. We both head for the living room. I don't sit and he doesn't tell me to. I know this is gonna be quick. I know the man inside-out and I believe he does me too, no need to drag things out with uselessly long introductions and reminiscence of our relationship and shit. He says:

-"So."

-"So ?"

-"How long have you been waiting?"