Oblivious (Boun x Prem)

Chapter 21: Three Words

4

It's early in the morning, around 6:30 I think?

I'm standing under the shower as the water hits my skin, turning it a light shade of red.

I find that being in the shower either helps me think, or I don't think about anything at all, different from the white walls but still the same concept.

And today I'm thinking in the shower, from just your average thought to the particularly peculiar ones that really make you question your level of normality.

Lord knows I've questioned mine a thousand times.

But I'm not thinking the strange and questionable thoughts today...

Okay maybe I was earlier, but I'm not anymore, I swear.

I'm thinking about what's to come, I have been since this month started. I wish I could delay time, slow it down. But at the same time I want it to speed up and get this over with.

And I feel like a fucking heartless asshole for thinking that, I really do. But I can't exactly control what thoughts come into my mind, my thoughts have a mind of their own.

I've had to face these thoughts in the past, as you would assume, and every time I feel like a horrible person.

But I've dealt with this before and I know it's only natural to think and feel this way, I mean I can't be the only one right?

Right?

But I'm also just feeling so emotional. It's that time again where I start reminiscing, more than usual that is, it's just I guess... bittersweet?

But yeah, there is nothing I can do about it, not in this life time any way.

Suddenly the noise of the water comes back and I snap out of my thoughts.

I quickly finish up in the shower and get changed. Then go make myself a cup of coffee, I'm not very hungry this morning.

Taking a seat at the counter I look around the apartment, at all the things it's missing.

I can't deny that I miss being around them, Boun and Lu.

It's been 10 days and I'm just feeling so empty I guess. I miss talking and playing with Lu in the mornings, she's an amazing listener, I mean she sleeps basically the whole time, but still.

And I miss Boun as well of course, it's just that it's different now. He's not just my best friend anymore, he's my crush.

God that sounds so strange.

And the thing is I don't know how to go about this. How do I go forward concerning this situation. I can't just go up to him and be like, 'Hey, so I know this is sudden and all, but I like you, as in more than a friend.' If I just said that who knows how he'd react, and I don't think me or our friendship could handle his rejection.

I'll just have to subtly ease into it, somehow?

If he did reject me I know we'd still be friends, but there'd always be this lingering awkwardness between us, and I don't want that.

But I'm also starting to feel like it's worth the risk. They say if you like someone you should tell them before it's too late, before you miss your chance.

But also you should get closer to that person you like, and that's basically already checked for me. Because there really isn't much closer that Boun and I can get in our current relationship.

We've seen each other at our worsts', at our most vulnerable moments', at times where we've felt like giving up, and the list goes on. Boun and I have truly one of those rare friends ships where you can say that you know, no matter what, we will be there for each other, through thick and thin, to the end.