Rugged To The Core

Chapter 90

"Suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem."

~ Stanley Victor Paskavich

Song for chapter: Truce By Twenty One Pilots

Lucky

I aided this.

     Virtually my entire life, I had been plagued by anguish. Most people would say there were some good times, but for me, there never really was any good time, all we had was momentary stability. Moments when Daddy didn't have my time, when he laid off me. But then came the times when I felt his wrath, provoked or when he just needed to vent. The former was mostly the case.

     In spite of everything I suffered and was still suffering, I never attempted to take my life. But if I said it never crossed my mind, that would be a lie. Everyone that has had to go through hardship of whatever kind thinks about it, It's a voice you hear all the time. Like a command; the devil's command. Unfortunately, some people aren't strong enough to disobey that voice - people like Abel Ejiofor.

     Abel wasn't strong, he never pretended to be. He would break in front of people he cared about because that was his way of asking of help. I didn't quite blame myself for Abel's actions, but I knew I aided it. And I hated myself for it, I always would. My entire relationship with Abel - I mean from the very first day we met - had been only six months. Short, but not short enough to say I couldn't see myself getting used to life without him, I couldn't carry on the same with him dead.

     Just yesterday, not even twenty-four hours complete, I was the one hospitalised and he was the one by my side. Life was a brilliant comedian, but death was worse, it brought a very dark humour whenever it was about to strike. It had a funny way of bringing the most unusual people together. It brought diverse spectators.

I'd burst into the waiting area to find it full. Maria Grace, Abel's uncle and his wife, Victor, Bisola, A white man who was next to Maria Grace, and Fabian. All of them had turned to me as I stood panting in the hall, my eyes already brimming with tears. They looked at me like I didn't deserve to be here and I wasn't sure I did.

Guilt pricked every inch of my body. Moustapha placed a hand on my shoulder from behind and squeezed and I turned to fall into his warm embrace. He squeezed me like that was all the reassurance I needed to know I would survive this. But I wasn't sure I would survive this. Death had never taken one of my own before.

"We have to go talk to them." Moustapha whispered as he caressed my back.

"I can't..." I choked out and he held me tighter.

     I wanted to go talk to someone, I knew I had to but for some reason I felt lost. Compared to everyone in the room, I held the lowest rank in Abel's life. Besides I was sure everyone was too heartbroken to answer me. I didn't expect anyone to come talk so when Victor asked to speak to me from behind, I didn't know what to do. Victor was actually the one who'd informed me. I turned to find him with bloodshot eyes and sunken shoulders.

"We can't see him just yet." He said, his hands were in fists by his sides. "He-he he hit an artery this time and he was out of it when we found him. No one knows when exactly he did it so they don't know how long he bled for, how long he's been out for but it was definitely from this morning."