Just My Soul Responding.

Chapter VIII: Moody & Emotional.

My alarm just rang it is 7 a.m. and as I opened my eyes I can sense this overwhelming rush of ''I am going to fuck up this exam'' kind of anxiety. Last couple of weeks I was foolish, I had an annoying never-ending conversations with you know who that led me to consume a lot of weed just to shut him up, but even though my roommate and I had a fun time unfortunately we didn't study at all. I washed my face, put some radio music and had a black coffee and I realized I am late.

'This day is just getting better and better.'

I put on my jean jacket, laced up my boots and raced to catch the bus that would get me to Bouzereah.

'Quick! So you can get in time and screw up your Linguistics exam.'

I arrived 10 minutes late. I sat down, I looked at my left and there she was. Sitting there with her beautiful long black hair, her amber eyes that can light the whole world. I smiled at her and, smiled back and my heart sank. I filled the questions in my exam paper, I had no idea what I was writing and I left.

'Such an idiot.'

I finally finished, headed out, I walked to an isolated place to sit and I lit up my cigarette. I hoped Maissa would finish soon and join me. Damn how I wished she was mine.

'So this is your grand plan, to ignore me all day. We both know you are dealing with an issue here and nobody can help you but me. And stop thinking about her you will only get your heart broken. You are a soul remember and she is Amazigh and we both what this can cause.'

'I hate this separation our society made us feel. AND FUCK YES, this is my grand fucking plan and if you are referring to this moodiness I am having well news for you genius I have been having them for the past two years. I wonder why only now you want to help.'

'We both know that you want to deal with it, let us talk like old times we haven't really spoke in weeks.'

'WE HAVENT SPOKE IN WEEKS! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?'

'Well you haven't spoken in weeks. I have done all the talking by myself, which isn't fair to be honest.'

'Just shut up! And remember that I am still in control here remember that. I am getting really tired of mood swings and of you. I mean, I wake up energize and with good vibes and then almost an hour later I end up mired in self-hatred and tearfulness. By lunchtime, I would be angry because of these mood swings then by the evening I am chilled and relaxed in my room. I mean who am I kidding? I am not in control, I cannot it appears to even prevent my mood from being subject to constant relentless change, to be honest I haven't felt in control for a long time now.'

'I want to mock you a little bit but you are clearly angry so rain check. About your moodiness I suggest you see it as an opportunity to open up to it to learn how to manage the changes effectively.'

'I was wrong I don't need your help.'

'Oh get a grip I am just joking. Listen it is okay to acknowledge your vulnerability and how vulnerable our moods are to being manipulated by small stuff. I mean look at it this way, you can't expect to appreciate good music albums like Animals by Pink Floyd or a beautiful play on one hand and then, on the other, stay unbothered when something you hate happening happens or by something as weird as the carpet not being perfectly symmetrical in your room. Why let anger take control when you find things asymmetrical and uneven be okay with your soft skin and just LET IT GO.'

'I get bothered what do you want me to do! But I hear what you are saying, although it is easier said than done.'

'Yeah I know, sometimes even the so-called friends can cause these terrible moodiness. Most of the times, to start really accepting this feeling and open up to it means learning to take a scissor and cut those toxic relationships we have with people. I mean the one great solace for a low mood or a good one is great company: people who know how to reassure you that you still belong, that moodiness, sadness, anger is to be expected and that your errors never put us beyond compassion. They should laugh with you at these absurdity of all life, and when low moods hit they will know how gracefully to take that step of accepting our flows, because all of us have them and be grateful because you already have a couple of people in your life exactly like this.'