Love you,Mom

Chapter -15: Heart cries in ugly silence

Author's pov

Those with us,
Who smile with us,
Who smile for us
The difference?
Depends on how indifferent you are
But for the latter, when they leave
They leave behind scars.
Glass breaks with shrill sound
It resounds
Heart breaks in silence
Yet it surrounds.
What an ugly silence it is!
This noise doesn't stop,
Engulfed in memories, forever it is!
-FFHMM

Allen collapsed on floor as soon as she heard the news. Her world collapsed, her body froze. Ria fell on top of her husband with a thump, looking forward with lifeless eyes.

It was as if a soul sucking monster sucked in the living part of their soul.

Allen's world shattered in hundred pieces. Allen always thought that, people over react when someone leaves, or books, songs and movies overly fantasizes the heartbreak to make it dramatic. Never in a hundred years did she think she would experience such soul crushing experience.

"I should have treated her well." the only sentence her brain seemed to form right now. Tears were blocked, as if they were afraid of the gloomy atmosphere of death. If they start falling, there was no going back.

I love her so much, yet she got taken away from me. I loved dad, he left me. I tried to love myself, yet I caused myself enough reasons to forever hate myself. I'm not even eligible for being pathetic.

I didn't even tell I love you to her properly! As soon as this thought crossed her mind, she purposefully went towards her mother's body. With a shaking hand, she took hold of her pale lifeless hands. She looked at them as if they were a mystery. For the first time, her mother's face looked serene.

These are the very hands that raised me, nurtured me. Loved me, fed me. Thank you for being a part of my life mum.

"I love you, mom. I really love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this enough." She said earnestly. As if it will wake her up and make her smile at her again.

Except she didn't.

As if she couldn't take it anymore, with a loud wail she started to cry her heart out holding onto her hands.

Ria had long fainted, her husband didn't know what to do. He had just lost his angel, he was barely standing. After a while, the doctors came again, talking about what to do next.
Ria's unconscious body now laid beside a shell-shocked Allen.

He shakily gestured at the nurse and went to do the paper works. He felt the pain vibrate from cell to cell in his body as he signed all the documents, the application of a death certificate. Everything stabbed his heart sharply, prodding it until it bled endlessly.

The three heart bled in silence, silence engulfing the pain. Memories crying in ugly fashion. Memories crying for an angel that left them forever.

Allen's POV

It has been one week since mum left us. I still can't properly daunt about what is happening. This one week has been the most painful week in my life. More painful than the time when I failed in my exams, more painful than when my dad left us. It was like the sun of my life was gone. The settling, comforting dawns were gone. Now, there was only darkness and pain, heart shredding pain.

The house was full of far and close relatives. The sound of weeping and mourning were echoing from the walls since the morning. But I was completely unfazed. Not one tear agreed to fall from my eyes. My mum was gone, never to return again.

I splashed water on my face. The cold water was a like a jolt on my skin.

"Allen," My granny slowly called for me. Leaving the bathroom, I saw her standing on the doorway. My mum's death had taken its toll on everyone. The women whose voice could even be heard from London was reduced to a mere whisper. The man whose eyes always had a playful glee were now replaced by nothing but the sense of loss.

At the crowd of all those faces moving by, I remembered a face I shouldn't have. My dad. Did he know? Did he know that the woman he pushed away all those years ago was now gone? That she was now nothing but a memory? Fated to be so until those who are now alive will be gone too.

"Allen," Riding through my train of thoughts, I almost forgot about her.

"Yes, granny." I pretended to be as polite as I could.

"It's time." I finally heard it. Over the past week, I've been preparing myself. I imagined a thousand version of this sentence and thousands replies to it. But the only thing I could salvage to say at that moment was

"Okay,"

My granny left the room abruptly, hiding her face in her hands, but I could hear her crying as she descended down the stairs. I also wanted to follow her. My mind urged me to move forward, but my body declined.

As I was about to leave my room and head downstairs, I found myself in front of her room. I aimlessly entered the room. This is the room that my mum spent her very first days as well as her very last days. The room was left as my mom left it. She was everywhere. She was in the pastel colored walls, she was in the pale bed sheets, in the threads of the embroidered pillow covers. There was something else in the room, something else I'd never seen before. A wooden box and a bunch of papers spread around it.

I slowly reached towards it. The papers looked all bland to me. I couldn't phrase what they said. My head began to throb. As I was about to shut my eyes and run away to leave this room for the good, there was it. The tool that would break me from the inside, forever.