Settling Down [KJ Apa]

Chapter Nineteen

"I'm sorry for being so mean the past few days." I tell Keneti as I walk down the steps to the grass field.

"You weren't mean, George." Keneti grins, following me onto the freshly cut grass, "You were hurting. It's completely understandable."

"Yeah, but--"

"No buts. It's kinda normal to be angry at the world and to take it out on the people around you." He smirks, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans, "I know I did. After what happened at Bree's wedding. I was just so angry at myself; I took it all out on my friends. They hated me for a while."

"I'm sure they didn't hate you."

"Oh, no. They did."

I laugh lightly as I look up at Keneti. He's got a happy smile plastered on his face, being content with whatever he's thinking about.

As we get halfway onto the path surrounding the garden, I stop him from going even further. I sigh. I know I should tell him everything; he's my friend. But there's just so much to unpack.

"I didn't tell you the whole truth about Boston and I."

"What do you mean?" He frowns as he takes my hand in his.

"I..." I glance over at the gazebo, "Can we sit?"

He nods and leads me to the gazebo in the corner of the garden. We walk up the steps, sit down and I look over the railing to the setting sun. Time flew more than I thought.

Keneti pulls my legs onto his and my body turns towards him. He stares at me and I look away. He's trying to read me, and I won't let him. His thumb caresses my thigh, comforting me enough to begin.

"Remember when I told you about Landon?" I ask him and he nods. 

Of course he remembers.

"After we... ended, an old friend came back into my life."

"Noah." Keneti states.

So, he was keeping tabs on me.

"Yeah... We started dating and at first he visited a lot since it was summer break. But when the school year started again, he stayed in Belgium and we made long distance work." I sigh, "I found out he was cheating on me for at least 6 months when this girl texted me and told me she got pregnant from him."

"George..." Keneti starts, but I put my hand on his chest, cutting him off. 

"I stayed single for a while and I lived in New Zealand most of the time. And then Boston and I reconnected."

Keneti takes a deep breath. I know it couldn't be easy to hear about us.

"I didn't think it could be anything, to be honest. But I was in a good place and we were with each other 24/7, so it seemed so natural. But in hindsight it started just as my relationship with Landon. I was writing my war pic, so he convinced me to keep on writing and to not be too distracted by my friends. Worst decision ever made. I couldn't reconnect with a lot of my old friends because of my decisions made over the months before. I mean, the movie was a hit, but it really caused a rift."

"I'm sorry about that..."

"No, Keneti. I wrote it; directed it. It was my fault." I take a deep breath, "Anyways... I got pregnant for the first time pretty early on in our relationship. I think he wanted me to get pregnant. But he soon became quite aggressive whenever I chose to do something for myself.--"

I feel Keneti breathe heavier and he probably already knows where the story is going.

"It was the worst when we were in Belgium to film. I met up with friends, reconciled the relationship with my parents. I was -- thriving. So, one night, he lashed out completely. While he'd slapped me before, he raged onto me that night. Hit me, kicked me,... You name it. I lost my baby that night. I could just feel it. All the while I was bruised myself."

"George..."

"He never hit me again after that." I reassure him immediately, "I got him into therapy, finally, and things became a little better. I know I should've left after the first slap, but he made me feel good whenever he wasn't hitting me."

"I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"I'm out of it now though. If you wouldn't have been there when he came back, I would've gone back to him." I whisper. 

Instead of saying anything else, Keneti pulls me close to him, wrapping his arms tightly around my body. It comforts me to the point my body is completely zen and just limp. Keneti's grip finally looses a little and I look up at him. His eyes are closed and I'm almost 100% sure he fell asleep until his eyes open just a little. He looks down at me through his lashes and smiles. 

"This is way more comfortable than I thought it would be." He grins as he presses his lips against my temple.

My heart skips a beat as his lips leave my skin and I look up at him. Our faces are so close that, if I push myself up just a little, our lips would touch. He must've realized the same, because he clears his throat and looks away, not without me noticing that faint blush on his cheeks.

"Do you think we made a mistake all those years ago?" I ask him.

I can see him ponder over the question, carefully constructing an answer. 

"I'd like to say yes, but I know we weren't ready for it. We wouldn't have lasted." He tells me and I slowly nod.

"Do you think we will ever be ready?" I continue asking.

He sighs, rubbing his face tiredly, "I don't want to start anything right now. You need to heal first, physically and mostly mentally. Only then we can revisit that question. You'll get through all this, George. And I'll be here to witness it."

The corners of my mouth turn up slightly. He's gonna stick around this time. I have no doubt he won't leave me. 

"You should really grow a beard again during the break." I smile up at him.

He laughs, "Again? You cyber-stalked me last year, didn't you?" 

"You did the same thing!" I protest. 

We both laugh and I know things will get better. Eventually.