No real motivation fills this body,
just an unrealistic want for your validation,
thoughts of moulding into a more desirable shape,
wreak havoc on a youthful mind,
no longer able to find her worth.
Grown dependent on those around her,
the fear of failure,
the fear of burdening,
the fear of lonlinesss,
consumed her fractured heart,
and made it seem that you would be her saviour.
Just like a woman before her,
broken and scarred with horror stories,
She watched you pick up her pieces,
you put them back,
in different places to mould her,
into the woman you wanted her to be.
Watching as you helped and moulded that woman,
she thought you could be the one,
The one to save her from herself,
But with time came waiting,
soon waiting turned to realisation,
that you had never cared,
Simply manipulating everything,
to fit your own mould.
Hatred and pain bubbled to surface,
Watching you manipulate people around you,
tearing them down,
little by little,
putting pieces back wrongly,
playing saviour when really you were the villain.
You played favourites with your dolls,
Favouring one of lighter features,
Spoiling the favourite with treats,
while you gave others hell,
Playing dealer with supplies,
a businessman with no degree,
but plenty of bargaining experience.
While you played your dolls against each other,
she would find you completely repulsive,
Yet her dependency would always win,
needing you to show her,
just how incompetent she would always be,
unless she had a man around like you.
Minds never get sick,
you would say to her in times of crisis,
Emotions are a simple weak link,
the link to worldwide destruction,
Hearts don't break or hurt,
they are simple organs,
you tell her in times of great grief,
Soon she would adopt your views,
because you favoured dolls that mirrored you the best.
Her dependency and her hatred battle each other,
a constant fight,
keeping her trapped in a place,
where kindness and care are a form of payment,
for things they want rather than acting of heart,
Wanting out of a painful place of manipulation,
her dependency anchored her to the bottom,
a dark sea consuming her,
a storm bound to break the horizon.
YOU ARE READING
Excerpts of A Chaotic Mind
PoetryWelcome to the inner workings of my mind. The thoughts and emotions I battle and the imaginary scenarios I dream up sometimes. Think of this is as my own public diary. . I will warn there are some themes surrounding mental health, self harming tho...
