Fucked Up

16 - Her day

Pauper

"Morning, mama" nakangiting bati ni Ethan atsaka ako hinalikan sa pisngi, binati niya rin si Nathan na katabi niya

We sandwiched him, like we used to do in Aussie.

"Morning" bati sa kanya ng papa niya atsaka siya binuhat sa tabi nito

"Look, is that a LEGO?" Turo ni Nathan sa may pintuan atsaka patago akong hinalikan ng mabilis sa labi

"I love you" bulong niya pagkatapos bago ako niyakap

I don't feel anything and guilty at all. What I did is right. I have loved him, but not as strong as my love for Red. My loved was love.

Bumangon din siya sa atsaka binuhat ng padapa si Ethan na nakaharap ang mukha nito sa papag bago sila bumaba. Napabuntong-hininga ako at sinimulang tupiin ang mga kumot.

That's why I was nuts when dad called me. I know they want the wedding to be as soon as possible, ako lang naman ang nagpapatagal. Ang dami kong excuses. I want to at least make Red fall in love with me in just a span of a month or two.

I would marry Nathan not because I love him, yes I used to love him but it started to sink in when he wanted us to have sex, he keeps on bugging me every time that it gets annoying until it irked me. If it weren't for Ethan, he's the only thing that keeps my bond with him. Funny thing is I gave in to Red without a doubt and even love him more.

Waking up knowing that we're not sharing the same space and breath the same air, sucks. Nasanay na ako sa mint freshener niya, hindi sa lavender na nasa kwarto ko. I will marry Nathan five months from now. And I am hoping that I can still get out from this situation.

Nadatnan ko ang mag-ama ko sa sala na naglalaro ng video games.

"Tama na 'yan. Lalabo pa ang mata mo Ethan, 'yan ba ang ginagawa niyo sa bahay?" Mahinhin kong awat sa kanya

I am soft when it comes to my son.

He puts the joystick on the table and hold my hand before he tugged me in the kitchen. He helps me put the plates on the table and sit on his own. Marahan kong ginulo ang buhok niya sa ginawa niya.

We trained him to help and be polite. We never spoiled him but we buy him a reward when he do good yet not every time he does something good we will buy him anything that he want. We don't want to instill in his mind that doing good means you can have a reward, we want him to be kind because he can without any rewards that's on the line.

Namasyal kami sa playground pagkatapos kumain. My boys are running endlessly without any tiredness in their body. I quietly looked at them while they filled the place with their playfulness. Wala na akong makitang bata na naglalakad sa village kundi mga teenagers na lang, and that made us own the playground now.

Saktong may sorbetes na lumalako sa loob at tumigil sila sa paglalaro. Nathan bought us a cone ice cream. Nagpalamig muna sila kasabay ng pagpunas ko ng pawisan nilang likod at naglapat uli ng panibagong panyo sa likod nila.

Naglaro uli sila habang lumilipad ang isip ko kay Red. Nasa unit niya pa rin ako panigurado, at nagpadeliver ng pagkain para ihatid mismo sa opisina niya. And that made me get my phone and ordered a food for him, ayaw ko siyang malipasan ng gutom. Kung bakit ba kasi ayaw niya pa akong mahalin.

"Mama, can we stroll around the mall?" Ethan asked, panting

"Sure, lets change your clothes first. You smelled stinky" I teased and nuzzled my nose in his chest