Fucked Up

46 - Alexa

Disclaimer: The disease I wrote last chapter was from google, I got it from there

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RED

The burial just finished, and I can't open my eyes without feeling its stinginess with my heavy lids. Ethan on the other hand is on my side, hugging me while we're facing my now supposed to be bride.

"I understand if you wouldn't want the wedding to be push. I'll wait Red"

Iniling ko ang ulo sa kanya at sinabihan ang anak ko na makipaglaro muna sa Tito niya na nasa loob ng bahay

"I don't think I can still marry you. I can't marry unless it's Aigne" I bitterly mumbled

We already talked once last week and it's the second time we're talking about the wedding. I said my sorry to her last time for I left her in the church, nothing less nothing more. Now we're talking, deeper than before

"Love, sinasabi mo lang 'yan dahil iniisip mong hindi mo makakayang wala si Aigne. You two are best friend. You love me" she pressed but I shook my head once again

"No, I love her. I'm obsessed to the thought of I will be having you again not knowing and understanding my feelings. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but it's not you who has the key into my heart this minute and for the fucking months that passed"

"You're insane, Red. Namatay lang si Aigne ta's sasabihin mong mahal mo siya? Talaga bang mahal mo siya o naaapektuhan ka lang? Red! C'mon wake-up" frustrated she combed her hair with her fingers

"I wished I'm sleeping, but I am not. Alexa, I love her."

Alexa let out a long and sharp sighed before she stood up

"Babalik ako kapag maayos na ang pag-iisip mo"

I leaned forward to the table and drop my upper body unto it. I'm exhausted and I fucking miss Aigne. I miss her every day. There's no hour and second my brain would let me stop thinking of her, and my children. I kept dreaming about them every single night. They were in a garden playing while I am watching them from afar. I couldn't talk to them nor make a step nearer to where they are, and it fucking hurts.

Nanunubig na naman ang mata kong wala nang pahinga sa kakaiyak, sumisingkit na ang mga 'to at namamaga. Ni hindi ko na kilala ang sarili ko kapag nakakakita ako ng salamin, at wala akong pakialam.

Nagsimula nang bumagsak ang balikat ko at tumaas-baba kasabay ng tahimik kong pag-iyak. May mga oras na gusto ko lang umiyak nang walang dahilan nung nakaraang linggo pero ngayon, umiiyak ako dahil hindi ko na makikita pa ang mga anak ko at ang ina nila kahit na sa kahon na lang na nasa bahay. They're under six feet below the ground.

I can't do anything, fuck. As my shoulders were shaking uncontrollably, I can hear the small sob I'm making.

"Red, red. It's Aigne"

Fuck, I'm hearing her. I felt a tapped on my shoulder as her voice murmured my name again.

"Shit naman, ba't ayaw mo pang gumising? Kasal mo na"

My heart stop beating for a second as I opened my eyes and jolted upright.

AIGNE

He looked like he saw a monster, his eyes were round with his face glistened with tears. He is scanning me thoroughly. If he didn't wake up, I would call Andrew in the other room to punched him on the face. Kanina pa siya iyak nang iyak na ikinagising ko.