Falling for a Cloud

Chapter 9

I felt bad for leaving JC in the office alone, so I started back inside.  A flashback of the footage plays in my head and I try to shake it out.  It won't leave.  Great, look who's going to have nightmares for, ever? 

"Do you have an appointment?" The lady at the front desk asks me and I sigh.   

"Yes, Charles is in the other room with Dr. Davis.  I want to go back to see them." I rudely state and she hesitantly gets up from her chair.  

"Let me page Dr.Davis." My eyes are burning, but I still manage to roll my eyes.  It's not like I'll ever see these people again.  Both JC and Dr.Davis come out of the hallway and I jog to JC.  I take a chance and give him a hug.  That's what the O2L guys seem to do best in bad situations.  

"Is it over?" I'm so physically and emotionally drained, I don't think I have any more tears.

"Yes, here are his ashes in this little pouch." I take the little red velvet bag in my frail hands.  I fumble with the fringed string in-between my skinny fingers.  JC looks like he's seen something truly horrific and I'm glad I left, but regret not taking JC with me.  

"I'm sorry for dragging you along, I just thought you wouldn't want to be.."

"It wasn't that bad.  Are you okay?" He runs his hands through his messy hair.  I could tell that when came to his house, he had just rolled out of bed.  

"Ya.  I'm sorry, I know you just woke up not long ago."  I shrug and we head for the door.

"Stop apologizing." He orders and I roll my eyes and I get in the passenger side door.  And we start driving through LA.  

I think of all the possibilities with me moving here.  I could do so many things, see so many things here.  I still need to go back to Sam's. I'm not looking forward to going to a hotel, but I can't see Sam any longer.   It's for the best.  For both of us.  I like Sam in all, I just don't think he's right for me.  I have to break up wiht him, I'm not sure how I'm going to do that, I've only broken up with one guy before, and that didn't go too well.  

JC and I finally reach Sam's house and by the time we walk in, the house is all picked up and all the stolen belongings are replaced. 

"How?" I can't hide my thoughts as I walk into the pristine house. 

"The police already came and collected all the evidence they needed. Then, I went to go get a new TV." Sam hurries to the kitchen and pulls sugar cookies out of the oven.  I'm astounded at how many things he can get done in an hour.  

"Okay! We get it Mr. 'I can do anything and everything in a single hour'" JC speaks my words for me.

"Hey Sam, we need to talk real quick. JC, can you grab my bags from the backdoor?" JC nods and takes my bags out to the door.  He can be an a**hole.  But he's very sweet most of the time.  

"I don't think this will," I begin, but am cut off by Sam.

"Listen, I know I messed up.  I know what JC told you and I know you believe him more than me.  But I truly...... Like?.. You Lia.  And only you. When I met you, ya, that was the plan.  But I slowly fell for you.  I don't think I could love anyone else as much as I love you and I hope you know that. I know I don't deserve you. I really don't.  But I always think that I'm too good for people like you.  People with no peircings or tattoos.  I used to think they had no guts.  But you showed me that through everything, you are ten times stronger than me.  Not physically, but mentally, emotionally, socially, and your looks are.. Just woah."  I begin to blush at the compliments but my subconscious butts in.

 He's babbling. Once JC comes back into the house, you can't break up with him.  He knows it's coming.  He doesn't deserve you,  even he knows that.  He didn't ask for a second chance, he didn't ask for you to love him back after everything.  And that's why I love him.  No I don't. God, my battle with my self over the boy with the pink hair and the ring in his lip, with all the tattoos is outrageous.   Sure he's sweet, charming, handsome, a gentleman, but he's also got a flip side.  He was going to ruin my life.  I don't know if I can believe him on this one. 

"Sam, I don't really think I should believe you. I know you are truly sorry, but I don't know if I can believe that you aren't trying to fool me again." In my mind, I'm celebrating my victory over my words not being too hurtful, but having a clearly shown impact on Sam.  My heart on the other hand, has sunk, I feel like I'm at an all time low in self esteem.  

"I get it.  I know I don't deserve one, but I just need one more chance to make you happy." Sam takes a step closer to me, his eyes pouring in mine.  

My walls are breaking. I had spent hours on hours in deep thought in order to build those walls.  Yet, he breaks them down so easily.  I don't know why he wants a second chance with me.  I was merely a fan, who got what each and every fan wanted.  To spend alone time with their idols, and get a kiss.  I just happened to be the lucky one right? But in an unlucky way.  I have been heart broken, mentally scarred for life, and I've seen things in past few days that I never thought I would ever see.  The last one is both good and bad, but I guess that is just an opinion.  I try to stay optimistic in most of the situations I'm in.  I stop looking Sam in the eye and decide to stare at my feet instead.

"It's not that easy Sam, I can't just hand out chances like they mean nothing. It takes work to give someone a second chance. I can't just pull one out of my purse.  I would if I could, but it just doesn't work like that." I feel the walls crumbling and crashing down. I'm breaking.

"Look at me please.  Please?" Sam takes his index finger and tilts my chin up so I am forced to face him.  

"I know that it doesn't work that way.  I just need you to try to give me a second chance." Sam says coldly, almost like he's ordering me to try. 

My walls are slowly being put back up and my eyes narrow into his.  I take his hand and put it at his side.  I take my index finger and poke the center of his chest, pushing him backward a couple steps.

"Listen here, Sam.  Don't act like I'm the one who needs to try.  Okay? Because I shouldn't have to give out second chances.  Actually, I don't have to.  You, you Sam, are the one who needs to work for the honor to have that second chance." I take a step back, removing my finger from the middle of his chest. 

"I'm not at fault.  Sam, I didn't cause this, or did I?" I slightly tilt my head to the side, trying to make my point.

"Please don't..." 

"Don't what, Sam? Don't protect myself from your plan? Don't pretend like I'm being the one at fault? Don't keep myself somewhat held together? Or, were you going to tell me not to over react? Because, if you had one decent nerve in your body that respected me, you would know the one rule I'm pretty sure every girl knows.  Never tell a girl that she's over reacting.  Even if she is, don't." I whip myself around and head back to the car. What took JC so long?

I reach the door and the short seconds I spent walking, felt like grueling hours.  JC is standing right outside the door when I open it.  He literally welcomes me with open arms.  I take up the offer on the free hug.  All my tension disappears in the tight hug that doesn't last long enough.  I slam Sam's door, expecting never to return.  I spent one night there and some of my worst memories are in that house.  I don't know why bad luck seems to follow my good fortune.  I get half way across the driveway when Sam walks out of his house. I can feel his eyes burning into my back.  I hesitantly decide to pretend not to have heard the front door open and shut.  I barely reach the car before I feel Sam's hand grip my arm.  I open the passenger side door and jerk my arm away from his grip before quickly climbing into the car that now smells faintly of cologne with a mix of my perfume. JC gets out of the car, as I raise an eyebrow at him.  He locks the car, which won't keep me in, but I suppose he did it to keep Sam out.  JC's hand wraps around Sam's arm and JC whips him around.  I screw my eyes shut as my so-called bad-luck unravels.