Mi amor

~ 9 ~

I eat the steak so fast that Oscar was still eating when I was done, I would have been self concious about that a few months ago but now I didn't care, we just laughed about it. I was trying my best to stay cheerful so he wouldn't worry but in reality I was still freaked the fuck out. I could have been killed. Easily. Or worse, gang raped. Rope burn was gouged on my wrists from the bindings, it was probably gonna leave scars. I remembered the prophet who had violated me when i was walking home a while ago, those animals had taken away so much from me now. I couldn't feel safe on the streets that I should be able to call home. I was trying to be happy on the outside but inside my brain felt like it was screaming. Maybe if I just forgot all about it it would eventually go away. 

I took my plate up to the sink and put it in the dishwasher. 

"How can you eat so slow?" I moaned at Oscar 

"How do you eat so fast?" He said gulping down some food. I rolled my eyes at him. I got a glass of water noticing my mouth was really dry, I sat up on the worktop whilst drinking. I looked at Oscar, he looked so innocent to me, but I couldn't help but wonder if he had done that to any of the prophets women. No, he wasn't like that. He may seem tough but I felt safe with him, unlike Rossi. Ughh, I felt my face contort thinking about that animal of a man. He was nothing like Oscar. 

Eventually he finished his dinner, I was still sitting on the worktop. He came over to me and held me for a minute, we stared lovingly at each other, I put my hands on his head and felt the stubble of his hair. I wondered what it was like when it was long. 

"You ever think about growing your hair out?" I asked 

"Nah, can't really when your in Santos." 

"Cesar doesn't have his head shaved." I stated, Oscar looked a little ashamed for a second I didn't know why but didn't think much of it.

"Do you not find my hair attractive mi senora?" He asked pouting at me

"Oh no its very hot, I was just wondering" I smiled  

We leaned into eachother for a kiss, I had forgotten how much I loved the feeling of his lips against mine, his hands on my waist. I needed him. My kisses grew more passionate, I kissed up to his ear then whispered. 

"I need a shower, do you?" He looked at me with excited eyes and a grin. I was swept away in his arms before i knew anything. I kissed his cheek as we made our war through the house. My lust for him was something on another level than I had ever felt. I just wanted to please him so bad, I wanted to see the look on his face when I swirled my tongue around him. I wanted to feel him inside me, I wanted to hear his deep groans when he thrust into me. I needed the build up of passion inside of me to be released. 

We were in the bathroom. He shut the door and pushed me against it. Without time for breathing we were kissing again. He pulled my hips against his. His kisses were rough and hard against mine. I wanted more, I needed more. Soon his hands were removing my shirt. His eyes were grazing my stomach and chest. I flung the shirt across the room and pulled him into kiss me again, but there was reluctance. He didn't seem into it so I moved to his jaw, peppering him with kisses. Something still wasn't right. He sighed and pushed me away gently. 

" How could I have been so thoughtless." He sighed under his breath. 

" What are you on about, why have you stopped?" I asked grumpily, I wasn't even in the mood anymore. 

"Why didn't you tell me you were in pain." He asked, I had no idea what he was speaking about.

"What?" I demanded "I'm  not in pain?!" His eyes darted toward my stomach. I looked down at my self. Oh, I was surprised to see my skin was a mixture of purple, green and blue. Huh. I realised that my ribs and stomach were actually throbbing a bit, it wasn't that bad though. I mean at least I had gotten the memories of what they did to me out of my head for a second. 

"I mean its not even that bad." I tried to argue but his expression didn't change from being worried.

"(y/n) you can't tell me that doesn't hurt, I know what that feels like." 

"Why are you more upset than me." 

"Because its my fault." 

"How is it your fault?" I asked, he shook his head and leaned over the sink. He looked really upset, I'd never seen him like this before, usually it was me who needed the comforting. I sheepishly walked up to him, I placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"Look at me.. Oscar." Reluctantly his eyes met mine "I don't blame you." 

"Well you should." he looked away from me again. I didn't really know what to say, I was so bad at this. 

"Listen, its in the past now. I'm not dead am I?" he flinched a bit when I said that. "sorry.. but you know what I mean. I'm fine, and remember the last time.. well you helped me then, and if you hadn't. Well it would have been a lot worse for me. And this was in no way your fault, your the best thing that's happened to me so don't blame yourself."

"(y/n) how can you say that, do you think if you were with some other guy this would have happened to you? Maybe you would be better off without me." He said slightly shouting but his voice still soft. 

My heart stopped. Is he breaking up with me? What the fuck, I would have injuries worse than a few bruises if I wasn't with him.

"No. I love you, you can't do that. Its not your fault." I said as if saying it multiple times would change his mind. He didn't look convinced. "Baby, its been a long day, why don't we sleep it off." 

" Okay." He walked over and wrapped his hands around me. I buried into his chest. 

" I still need a shower," 

"alright lets go." 

Oscars Pov

I watched her as she took off her clothes, her beautiful skin was peppered with bruises and grazes. Because of me. I hated them for doing that to her, they could have killed me and I would have been fine with it, but not her. They shouldn't have touched her. But I hated myself more, it was me, her being with me made her vulnerable. They knew it worked now too, so they might use her again. I couldn't stand that, I couldn't stand the thought of them touching her let alone kicking her. I didn't want to break up with her but how else could I protect her. I was just going to end up ruining her, she could have a good life, get a scholarship and go to some fancy college. I would probably just drag her down. But not tonight, she couldn't cope with anymore. 

"Are you coming?" she asked turning on the shower for it to heat up. 

" yeah," I walked behind her. When the water hit her skin she jumped back a bit and sucked in air through her teeth. 

" Are you okay?" I asked concerned. 

" Yeah, it was just too hot," she lied. I knew because I was familiar with getting those injuries before and they sting like a bitch in the shower. She was lying so I didn't feel bad, how shitty do you have to be for your girlfriend to be injured because of you but say she's fine so she doesn't upset you? Her teeth were gritted from the pain, I hated to see her like that, it should be me. 

She reached for the shampoo, I thought the least I could do was wash her hair for her. 

"I can do that for you." I said taking the shampoo out of her hands. 

"You don't  have to baby,"

"I want to." 

I worked the soap into her scalped and massaged her head gently, I looked down at her closed eyes. She was so beautiful, so fucking beautiful. The little freckles on her nose, the water dripping through her eyelashes, her pink lips. I loved every inch of her. I rinsed out the shampoo then got the conditioner, I worked it through the ends of her hair. I kissed her fore head and she opened her eyes. 

" I love you," I said hugging her so she wouldn't see the tears in my eyes. 

"I love you too." she said back, I should have felt good, but I just wished she didn't.