Mi amor

~20~

After Henri left I sat on the steps for a while. How had I fucked things up so much. How had I now ruined two of the best relationships I had ever had. I had caused Henri so much pain and I hadn't even told him any of the shit I did behind his back. I wish I could just go back to that night at the races, actually I wish I could go back to that day at school, I would have behaved and not gotten detention, then I would never have gotten assaulted walking home by myself, I would never have gotten a ride with Oscar, he wouldn't be in my life besides when I went to Cesar's. Maybe life would be a bit more dull but it would have saved me a hell of a lot of sadness and general head fuckery. It would have saved quite a few people the stress of me. Or maybe if I could just be stronger and resist the urge of going back to Oscar. I mean he had really fucked me up and now I had basically just forgotten all about that. What was wrong with me. Henri was so nice. And I was cheating on him with my shitty gangbanger ex who emotionally abused me even after he was the reason I literally got kidnapped. That isn't right.... but fuck he is so hot, and the things he does to me! fuck. BUT HENRI IS JUST AS GOOD SO WHY DONT I FEEL THE SAME ABOUT HIM?!?!? Maybe I just needed to spend more time with him. Or maybe it was because we were friends first. Whatever it was I had ended it now, well gone on a "break" but I don't think Henri would be forgiving me any time soon. I felt like I needed a cigarette and I didn't even smoke. 

I watch as my Dad drives into the garage. I go and meet him. He sees me out the window but doesn't react much. Once he is properly parked he sits in the car for a moment. He looked sad and disappointed still but thankfully not angry anymore. He got out the car and stood in front of me, he looks at me for a second, his gaze piercing me with regret. I nearly start to cry again. I hated feeling like a disappointment. 

"Dad I am so so sorry. I never really meant for this to happen, it just got a bit out of control." I blubber out as I start to break down again. He must have felt bad because he pulled me into a hug saying it was alright. His hugs made me feel so small but in a comforting way. 

"y/n it's alright but it can't happen again. I'm going to leave it until after dinner but I need to have a talk with you to prevent anything like this happening again. I'm not mad, it just worried me seeing how you behave when I'm not here, I don't want you going down the wrong path. Okay?" He says softly after releasing me from the embrace. I was wiping my eyes and nodding. 

"Yeah, thankyou. I'm sorry." I said. He pats my shoulder and ushers me inside again telling me it was okay. What had I done to deserve such a good Dad. 

He told me he was making dinner and it wouldn't be for about an hour so I decided to go for a bath. I needed to feel revived from working all day. I ran myself a hot steamy bath with essential oils. It was so relaxing that I almost fell asleep. I had so much on my mind that I had really needed a moment for myself to calm down and think things over. I didn't know what I was going to do. Should I cut myself off from everyone and just study and get into a good college? Should I get back with Oscar? ugh I was so over wondering about men who didn't care about me, maybe I should explore girls and see if I really am bi. Or maybe I should just let things happen as they happen, let what comes my way come and deal with it then. 18 isn't old. I had ages to figure things out. It wasn't like I was going to marry the people I was dating now. 

I got brought out of my thoughts by my Dad calling that dinner was ready. I quickly threw some comfy clothes on and went through to eat. He had put our favorite film on and got the food in the sitting room. The food smelled so good, my Dad was such a good cook. 

"Mmm, that smells so good Dad." I say to him. While sitting down. 

"Well I better, I put my blood and sweat in it," He says. I scrunch up my nose even though I know he is joking. 

"ewww." I say, "You better not have," 

He laughs and plays the movie. I loved nights like these, just chilling out with my Dad and eating food. It was so nostalgic, I missed him nowadays because he was working so often. He felt guilty because he didn't have enough money to pay for my college but I was planning on getting a scholarship at the moment. My grades were good enough for it. 

After the movie finished I helped my Dad with washing the dishes. I remembered he was going to have a talk with me about what happened, I didn't want to bring it up but I figured it would be better to do it sooner rather than later. 

"So what were you going to speak to me about earlier." I say 

"Oh, I nearly forgot, that would have been bad." 

"Hahah yeah, really bad." I laugh out sarcastically. I was lucky he couldn't tell. 

"Well first of all who was the boy that was here... umm in your- never mind just tell me who he was." 

"Henri, he is just a friend though I promise." 

"I don't know him. Is he gay?" 

"No but-" 

"If he's not gay he's not just a friend and will not be coming back here ever again." 

"well you probably don't have to worry about that anyway." I mutter under my breath.

"What? I hope you weren't back talking me." He said a bit more sternly. 

"No, and I promise he won't be here." 

"Ever again?" He questions.

"Not ever again." I repeat after him.

"Good. Now I was going to ask miss Henry from across the street to make sure you weren't getting up to anymore trouble but she is going into a care home now so that won't be happening. And I don't have many friends who are not busy them self's with kids or work but today I decided to stop along an old friends son. I used to baby sit him when he was little and I basically watched him grow up so I know I can trust him. He is going to come around every day or second day when I'm go back on shift to make sure you aren't doing anything illegal or bad." I was trying to think who this was, I honestly didn't even know who my Dad was friends with. 

"who is it." 

"Oscar Diaz, now I know he doesn't have the best reputation but I have not met a more responsible young man. Plus he is your friend Cesar's older brother so you probably know him already." He said casually whilst my stomach was doing its own dance rehearsal. I didn't know how Oscar would feel about this. I had no idea where we even stood anymore. I mean after those two kisses I thought he liked me, but then he never came to my party well not that I can remember anyway. But I was blackout a lot of the time. 

"Osc- Oscar Diaz." I stutter.

"Yes, is there a problem?" 

"He is literally in a gang." I say, "The leader of said gang actually." 

"It just runs in his family, it was started as a good cause by his grand uncle. Maybe if you are scared of him it will actually keep you under control." He said. I felt a little nauseous and said I was going to bed. I didn't actually sleep for a while though. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad. But things never seemed to work out like that for me lately.