Love After Life

Twenty-three: Without Him

*Note: Expect that there are typos and wrong grammars here*

-:-

"Amery..."

Bigla akong natumba sa harapan ng bahay ni Miss Sayson. I felt weak the time I disappeared from Iven. Sobrang sakit dahil nakikita ko rin siyang nahihirapan para aming dalawa. I wanted to go back there to apologize and do my promise, pero alam kong may consequence kapag gagawin ko 'yun at ayokong mangyari iyon para sa kaniya.

I hope that someday he will understand why I did this...

"Amery...tahan na." Hindi ko alam pero pagkarating ko rito ay nasa harapan ko na si Miss Sayson, maybe she saw that I was coming here in her house. Hindi ko na kasi alam kung saan ako pupunta, ito na lang ang lugar na naisip ko at alam kong hindi ako makikita ni Iven dito.

"Ang sakit sakit po, bakit naman po ganito ang tadhana?"

Nabasag ang aking boses dahil sa pag-iyak ko. Naramdaman ko ang mga bisig ni Miss Sayson na bumalot sa akin at binaon ko na lang ang aking ulo sa kaniyang dibdib at doon umiyak nang umiyak.

Iniwan ko na siya...

"Just cry, Amery until it hurts no more."

Gaya ng sabi ni Miss Sayson ay umiyak ako nang umiyak kahit na nasa harapan kami ng bahay niya. Hindi siya umimik siguro dahil alam niya kung paano ito kahirap para sa akin.

Letting go of someone you love was never been too easy, but sometimes you need to let go just for the sake of their feelings. For the sake of his safety.

Siguro lilisan din ito, masakit lang siguro sa una pero baka mawawala rin ang sakit. Iven and I weren't together for that long, so baka makakalimutan din niya ako. We've just become close for two months and we've just become a couple for two weeks. Makakalimot din kaming dalawa...

But for now, the pain still stings.

"Miss Sayson, magiging ligtas na ba siya? Hindi na ba siya mamamatay?"

Tanong ko nang humarap ako sakaniya. Alam kong sobrang gulo na ng mukha ko at nakakahiya pa dahil sa bisig niya ako umiyak pero hindi ko na talaga kaya, I can't hold my emotions anymore. I can't bear the pain.

"As long as you're far from him, he will not die. But Amery, if you still want to be with him until the time comes, you can but the two of you must be ten feet apart."

Tangina, ten feet apart? Hindi na nga namin mahawakan ang isa't isa tapos ngayon hindi na kami puwedeng magkalapit? I think that's too much. Mahihirapan din kaming dalawa kapag gagawin ko 'yun at ayokong nahihirapan siya.

I've already made up my mind, I've already done the choice that I chose, and there's no turning back anymore. Even though I want him, I need to let go of Iven. Para na rin hindi masakit kapag aalis na ako rito, kung makaka-alis pa ako.

"Huwag na po, Miss Sayson. Kahit gusto ko na magkasama pa rin kami, mahihirapan lang kami sa ten feet apart na sinasabi ninyo. Mas lalo na at hindi naman ako tao. Patay na po ako."

Yeah, I shouldn't have love because I was already dead. Nagpaka-selfish na naman ako, I fell for the bait. Nang dahil sa akin, mahihirapan si Iven kung hindi lang sana ako pumyag nung una ay hindi na sana ito mangyayari.

Miss Sayson looked at me with her sad eyes and placed her hands on my cheeks. She silently wiped my tears like she was my mother. Napapikit ako nang maalala ko si mama sakaniya. My mom used to do this when I always feel hurt because of my illness.

"Everything will be okay, Amery." She whispered which made me opened my arms.

Paanong magiging okay kung lahat ay naging magulo na? I broke Iven's heart, I broke my promise to him and now who is going to help me? Hindi ko ito magagawang mag-isa mas lalo na at kaluluwa na lang ako. I can't talk to my mom anymore.