Sinister [Jason McCann]

Twenty-Six

Jason’s POV --

 

My state of frustration was never hard to obtain.

 

In fact, my anger rose rather quickly and effortlessly. The slightest information could set me off. Deep down, in the small portion of sanity I’ve kept locked away, I’d feel pity for the outbursts. Pity only struck certain people, by certain people I only mean one person and that one person is Lea. I’ve never felt pity for exploding on my friends or those who surround themselves with my presence. They don’t deserve the sadness, the guilt, or culpability. Lea, on the other hand, earned that. All because of her good will and the large portion of happiness she’s able to share. I couldn’t cast a glance at myself in the mirror, knowing I’ve done something to cause Lea sorrow.

 

I drove slowly, no cars were in a rush to get anywhere on this Sunday afternoon. Lea and I refrained from conversation after my last remark. Evidently, it befell the best option. Anger never removed itself from my system in a matter of seconds, it took time. Minutes, hours, or sometimes days if the situation was that far reaching.

 

I imagine that I shouldn’t have been upset with anything Lea apprised. Perhaps I should have been all the more excited about it. My girlfriend, made out with another girl, and I wasn’t even there to drool about it. However, I wouldn’t have drooled knowing the girl Lea locked lips with, was Sandrine. The shit between me and Sandrine was in the past and I honestly had no idea what I was thinking at the time. I wouldn’t fuck her even if Scarlett gave me the ‘ok’. Something about her just fucks with my head, I didn’t like it and that’s exactly why I don’t like the thought of Lea being around her. Even if it’s harmless behavior, I don’t give a fuck whatsoever.

 

“Are you taking me home?” She asked the minute we were merely a few houses down from her own.

 

Normally I’d reach for a cigarette. I’d light it and take a few drags just to release minor tension and settle my anxiety down. Unfortunately though, I had finished my box last night so I’d have to fetch myself a new one. Lea waits patiently for a response she doesn’t receive. I didn’t need to give her a direct answer anyway, it was quite obvious the moment I drove ceaselessly passed her house. Her eyes followed as what remained of her property drifted off into the distance. Emotionlessly, I place my hand on her thigh and take her by surprise. She stares over the gesture and timidly inhales and exhales until she decides it was ok for her to set her hand on top of mine.

 

Even with the minor irritation I still felt, I wasn’t going to let the opportunity to be with Lea go to waste. If it wasn’t obvious enough, I was only overjoyed because of her. I had lost the ability to bring myself personal happiness and excitement. I find those things elsewhere from others.

 

The drive ends as I approach Greynolds Park at the very end of the entire neighborhood. At this time, you expect to see kids running around or chasing after each other. You see adults walking their dogs or tourists taking pictures of everything in sight. Occasionally you’ll find couples just sitting on a bench or walking near the dead center where all the trees occupied the area and gave the best shade. Lea held her hand on the handle bar, waiting for the engine to become nonexistent. Like clockwork, we step out of the car and shut the doors in unison.

 

“I haven’t been here in so long.” Lea informed me as she hopped above the curb and stepped onto the freshly cut grass. With two small steps, she steps onto the small concrete and reaches for my hand as she balances herself.