Sinister [Jason McCann]

Fourty-Six

Lea's POV --

I won't bear to go into the details of my ever growing anxiety. It'd be nothing but a waste of precious time. However I'll spare a few seconds just to say that I'm more than disappointed with multiple things all at once. Although what I'm about to address is clearly least important, I'm doing the absolute best I can to try and fool myself into thinking otherwise.

Prom was four days away and, at this point, I was certain that attending it befell completely out of the question. With Jason out of picture, I had no purpose of going and I wasn't about to embarrass myself by showing up all alone while every had their handsome dates and beautiful gowns, making the night seem as if Walt Disney himself directed it all. It just wasn't fair, this was the night I looked forward to more than anything and I was dreaming of it for so long, yet now it just appears to be a figment of my hopeless imagination.

The house, in reality, was quiet but my thoughts made noise that could remotely sound as though a party were being thrown right here, right now. I lie across the couch with Jasper resting above my stomach, every now and then he turned his head to eye me and I wondered if my thoughts were loud enough for his brilliant ears to catch. It's only been a day since the encounter between Bryn and I yet it still feels as though it happened just a mere second ago. And every last word spoken between Jason and I replays endlessly while more thoughts speak over it without a sense of courtesy.

I sigh, loudly, and overhear Lana upstairs talking on her phone. She laughs joyously and the excitement in her voice fills a great portion of the upstairs section in the house. It's not long until my subconscious discovers a way to annihilate her voice, leaving me back at square one.

How was I so blind to all of this? What part of me honestly believed that I had every chance at winning Jason's heart? I know I'm just another naive sixteen year old girl who still has confidence in happy endings but for Christ's sake I should've been smarter than this. I ignored the signs that warned me of drastic a ending such as this, I shunned it and ridiculed everyone who held little to no faith in what I trusted to be true love. And now what? I look like a complete idiot and even with no one standing around me, I still saw every finger pointing in my direction and I could hear laughter from all angles.

I sit up, nearly knocking Jasper onto the floor, because I knew that at any moment I would start crying. I wanted to stop thinking about him, I needed to stop thinking about him but I couldn't and the more I forced myself to believe that he's wrong for me, the more I coughed to cover up for my small sobbing. Jason and I were on our way to perfection but it just so happened that he already reached that destination way before my time.

Enough of that. I think to myself, clamping my eyes shut to press away all thoughts and images of Jason. Thinking about him will only make you feel worse.

Then how do you stop thinking about someone you've thought about for so long? Even if the circumstances were far less depressing, I always thought of Jason.

Jasper repositioned himself onto my lap, placing one paw above the other then resting his head over both. I watch him, stroking my fingers through his soft fur and for a moment he raises his head and attempts to lick my hand. When I pull it back, he looks up at me and replaces his head back onto his paws.