Sinister [Jason McCann]

Thirty-Four

Jason’s POV --

 

Females could very well be the exact definition of overly complex.

 

Hard to please, overdramatic, incomprehensible, stubborn, and ignorant. On the brightside, not all females are like that but the downfall that follows up would be; the percentage is either very slim or I just so happen to live in an area where the percentage is zero.  

 

If I cared enough, I would be able to decipher the precise amount of time it’s been since I’ve last spoken and seen Lea. To save myself the trouble of going through the minutes and hours, acting as though they were severely important, I’ll cut to the chase and say it’s been about a week or more. Probably close to two weeks, no more or less. It’s hard to say when one of us will get over ourselves and consider speaking with the other, but it’s safe to say that I’m for sure showing no intention of doing so whatsoever.

 

Before getting myself into any trouble, I had to be certain that Lea and were no longer together. It was hard to say, the day Lea and I held that surprising conversation. For the both of us, I knew that the entire day was filled with an overflowing mass of excitement and intentional happiness. The dinner couldn’t have been a better way to wrap the day together and as cocky as it sounds, I’d give myself a high-five if it didn’t cause signs of insanity. The day, altogether, was planned for the purpose of simply keeping Lea all to myself up until it was time for her to head home. I held no needs for seeing other people or conversing with anyone, counting money or catching up on my medication and daily dose of cocaine--in fact it’s been nearly an entire month and I have yet to take my medication; strangely enough I don’t feel a need for it any longer.

 

Nothing should have gone wrong, especially towards the end. Not with the way everything was set up. Dinner, Lea’s words and my never ending promises of fulfilling her desires to remain in a paradise, all the way to the drive home and how meaningless yet meaningful the simplest movements, Lea created, became. I guess you could say that even I was in my own state of serendipity as well.

 

I place my hands over my stomach and allow my lips to fold over the cigarette placed in between them, securing its position. My eyes were held by the enchantment of the ceiling and my ears were held hostage by silence. Ace had plans today, that I didn’t care enough to seek further information out of. Brody would probably consider spending his day with Kira but it’ll be easy stealing him for a night just to get my mind out of the gutter. Not that I was depressed, I haven’t felt depressed in a while. For once, I felt empty and I think depression and emptiness fall under two separate categories. Recently, I taught myself to find enjoyment within spending time with Lea, without enjoyment I am empty. This couldn’t be depression because if so, hanging with Brody wouldn’t cure my “sadness”.

 

I grab the cigarette now and exhale the smoke which filled my cheeks until threatening to burn holes.

 

Was I foolish to think that Lea and I were far from a state of love? In all honestly, I didn’t see that sentence coming for a while and my reaction made the statement, “actions speak louder than words” a living work of art. My choice of words were poor but what else could I have said? Either way, Lea would have still cried and disappeared behind a white painted door with a poorly painted gold doorknob.