A Desire for More (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter Twenty Two: In His Feelings

This chapter is Kylo's point of view!!!
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Kylo held you tighter to him as you fell back to sleep in his arms, no longer feeling tired himself.

As he lay awake in bed with you curled up against him, his mind felt fuzzy, like there was something that he was supposed to remember but couldn't. The recent interactions the two of you had blurred together, making the topics of conversations difficult to identify.

Kylo had sensed a change in you recently, noticing how you closed yourself off to him, making it difficult for him to see into your mind.  He begrudgingly realized that your powers in the Force had grown, almost matching his own. 

Physically, you were still weaker than him, honestly, it would be almost impossible for you to be stronger than him, he was built like a literal tree, like a wall, rippling with strength and muscles.

But in many ways, you were capable of so much, your mind was so incredibly strong, your passion driving you.

And he hated to admit it: your growing confidence and strength made him feel like you no longer needed him. 

He ran his fingers absentmindedly through your hair, reminding himself that you were still there, that you were still with him.  He gently nuzzled his face into your neck, breathing in your scent, trying to memorize it, hold on to your memory.

Sighing, he slowly, quietly pulled away from you and climbed out of bed, wanting to make sure you stayed asleep.  He stretched slightly before starting to pace back and forth across the bedroom, occasionally stealing a glimpse at your soft, sleeping face.

The past few weeks had almost made Kylo feel like he was living a different life, like his life didn't revolve around The First Order.  The time he got to spend with you, the moments you two shared helped him relax, helped him to distract himself from his duties.

Since Kylo talked to Snoke about your suspicious thoughts, Kylo had decided to ignore the fact that you seemed to be keeping secrets from him, trying to convince himself that pledging yourself to him was enough.

But deep down, he knew that what seemed to be dedication was just a ruse meant to throw him of your track.  He felt like he was close to breaking into your mind, like the secret plan you were forming was just waiting to slip out, but as much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to rip it from you, to break you.

That had been his plan from the beginning: break you. From the first time he saw you to every little sarcastic, annoying comment you made, he had wanted to own you, destroy you, completely strip you of who you were and what your past was.

He looked over at you sleeping, watching your chest rise and fall softly, a little bit of drool dribbling from your parted lips, your hair fanned out on the pillow around your head.

He had desperately wanted to shatter you, until he saw you like this.  It was in little moments like these that he couldn't bring himself to destroy you, to turn you into him.

As aggravating as your spiteful comments and behaviors were, your  secret, soft demeanor always showed through.  You treated everyone and everything, well, except for General Hux, like their life and being was precious, like it had to be saved. 

Watching you refuse to kill that Resistance member had disgusted him, forcing to take matters into his own hands and kill him himself.  But part of him had watched you in awe,  surprised by your kindness, by your emotion.

But that awe would disappear when Kylo caught you looking at him like that, like he was a lost soul that you wanted to save, to protect.

You had stopped bringing up Kylo's past, noticing his reluctance to share and his outbursts when you pushed him.  But Kylo sensed that you knew somehow, that you knew who and what he was before, the man he used to be. 

And that made him hate you, just the littlest bit.

So, when he thought that you were looking at him like he needed help, like he was weak, Kylo would make sure to put you back into your place, to dominate you.

And of course, that's where all the sex came in, to serve as a reminder of his brutality, of his strength, to remind you that you were his.  Something about the way you defied him, holding on to your stubbornness, was so incredibly attractive, making you difficult for Kylo to resist. 

But despite this need to dominate you, Kylo couldn't help but let himself go soft, just a tiny bit.  He loved the way you curled up against his chest, the way you traced his skin, the way you looked at him, as much as he hated to admit it.

Whether you noticed it or not, Kylo looked at you the same way.  While training, you often distracted him, the shape of your body and the feeling of your skin making it difficult for Kylo to focus.  The way you rolled your eyes, pouted your lips, and placed your hands on your hips, made Kylo want to slam you into a wall and fuck you right then and there.

And when you weren't being a little brat, he liked to watch you talking to that doctor in the medbay, often fighting jealous feelings when he saw you smiling and laughing. 

Kylo loved it when you would tease him and crack jokes, like both of your lives didn't revolve around war and killing people.

He looked over at you sleeping again and sighed, cursing himself for letting you get to him.

Kylo sensed that something was about to change, feeling that something huge was about to take place.  And what was frustrating was that he couldn't seem to figure out what it was.

He spent long period of time when he wasn't in meetings or training with you just sitting on the floor, trying desperately to get a glimpse of the events that were about to take place, a shadow of the future.

Though he wasn't sure what was going to happen, Kylo did know that it involved you.

He sat on the edge of the bed and softly ran a finger over your bare skin, calming himself.

Kylo would do almost anything for The First Order, but swearing on the fucking stars, Kylo would do absolutely anything for you.

His little one. 

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*alrighty guys, hold onto your hats bc some shit is about to go down*