A Desire for More (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter Twenty Seven: Thoughts of Him

You lay stiffly on the floor of your tent, looking up through the wide hole in its ceiling, watching the twinkling stars.

You had just spent hours in a meeting with the most important members of the Resistance, telling them everything that you knew. You explained how the First Order was also searching for Luke Skywalker and their intention to destroy him and all of the Resistance.

After you told them everything, General Organa thanked you for your help and sent you from the meeting, obviously not wanting you to be part of the planning process.

You had trudged unhappily towards the worn down tent Commander Dameron had set up for you, avoiding the stares that followed you.

You stretched out as far as you could in the cramped tent, lying on a thin mat. You continued staring up at the stars, wishing you could just fall asleep, but you knew you'd be unable to avoid processing your thoughts.

Telling General Organa and the others about the First Order's plans felt like a weight being lifted off your chest, like all of the terrible things you experienced were worth it to be able to help the Resistance.

But something was still weighing on you, guilt was filling you to the brim, making you regret your decision to betray the First Order.

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to force the feeling to go away, but it looked over you, almost like the feeling was a person.

"Slona,"

Your eyes popped open at the sound of Kylo's voice and you sat up, staring wildly around the tent, but no one was there.

Calming your breath, you laid back down and closed your eyes again, convincing yourself that you just imagined him.

"You've betrayed me."

Your body froze.

"Kylo?"

You opened your eyes again and his face slowly came into view, his body looking solid in front of you, like he was right there.

"Show me where you are,"

You stared at him in shock, reaching out your hand to touch him, but your hand just passed through, his body like a hologram in front of you.

"I know who you really are now,"

He stared past you, desperately trying to figure out where you were.

"You're with the Resistance, but where?"

"You're Ben Solo,"

He finally met your gaze, his eyes burning into you.

"Ben Solo is dead," he spat, fury filling his expression.

"No," you crawled closer to the image of him, wishing you could touch him. "All those times I've sensed something in you, something you couldn't let go of," you smiled at him slightly. "That was the light inside of you."

He snarled and turned his back to you.

"I told you, I left the past behind," you noticed his body shaking, his back moving with his heavy breath. He whipped around to face you suddenly, eyes burning. "And if I remember correctly, I told you to do the same."

He paced back and forth across your tent, still not knowing where you were.

"Ben, I-"

"Don't you dare call me that," his bellowing voice filled your ears. "Don't you fucking dare."

You looked down, avoiding his stare, tears starting to form in your eyes.

"Everything you've done, everything you've promised to the First Order, to me, it was all a lie."

You looked back up at him again, seeing the hurt in his eyes.

"Not everything was a lie," you whispered, your lips trembling. "The way I felt about you-"

All of a sudden, he disappeared, his seemingly real body vanishing from your tent.

You jumped to your feet, whipping your head around the entirety of the small tent looking for him.

Crumbling to your knees, sobs began to escape you, wracking your body. His disappearance felt like you leaving him all over again, except this time, you didn't have control over it.

You lay back down on the ground with your knees pulled up to your chest, just like you used to do back in your quarters on Starkiller Base.

Your heart ached at the memory, remembering how Kylo had crawled into bed to comfort you. You shut your eyes, grasping at the remembrance, trying to hold onto him.

Though he wasn't with you, you sensed his presence, like the smallest glimpse of his mind was available to you.

Focusing, you reached out, outside of the Resistance base, outside of your own mind, trying to see into his.

A faint image of Kylo in his quarters swam before your eyes. And you could see him, sitting on his bed, squeezing his face between his hands.

"Kylo,"

He jumped from the bed and spun in a circle, looking around the entirety of his quarters, looking for you.

Realizing you weren't there, he climbed into his bed, lying on top of the blankets, staring at the wall.

With your eyes still shut, you reached out to him again, trying to bridge your minds like you had done when you left him.

"Be with me,"

Kylo shut his eyes and sighed, relaxing his body. Without a word, you could feel him reaching out to you, allowing your minds to connect.

You froze, still lying on the ground as a warmth came over you, like you could feel his body next to yours. Your body shuddered at the feeling, knowing that Kylo wasn't really there, but feeling him all the same.

You eventually relaxed, giving into the bizarre, comforting feeling, trying to give into the illusion that Kylo was with you.

As you fell asleep, Kylo maintained the connection between your minds, begrudgingly provided you comfort, though what he really wanted to do was punish you.

Once he was sure you were asleep, he closed off the connection, leaving him alone and desperate in his quarters.

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*alright guys, I lied when I said there was only going to be one chapter from Kylo's POV. Next up, Kylo's train of thought!*