The Sound of Your Voice | on hold

Chapter 19 ~ Tobias

🚨 WARNING: UBER FEELS 🚨
My insides died as I wrote this, but I have to admit I kind of like this chapter.
Enjoy!

Everything hits me. I throw my guitar on the bed. I collapse, sobbing and sobbing.
I feel so unsure. I've barely cried before.
I take out the memory serum from my pocket, staring at it for a good five minutes.
Christina's words flicker in my head. "You're taking the cowardly route."
Debating, I slam it into the ground, watching the liquid spill on the floor. The glass shatters into millions of tiny shards.
Meanwhile, Katniss is still staring at me. We've only known each other for two weeks, but we quickly became friends.
"Four," she whispers, putting a shirt over her head. Before she was wearing a revealing nightgown. "Are you okay?"
A look of concern is plastered on her face.
"I can't do it today," I sniff at her. "Can we film another day?"
Her eyebrows are furrowed in sympathy. "I'll ask David," she says, slipping from the bed and I can hear her footsteps in the hallway. A few minutes later, she returns.
"Come back early tomorrow."
I nod, then dash from the set. I make my way to Central Park, not caring about the rain. It thunders hard, saturating my clothes with water.
Yet I still remain there, head in my hands.
I turn on the radio and listen in silence.
"Actor Edgar had his interview today," the celebrity reporter exclaims in a peppy voice.
I don't really like those people. They're always cheerful.
"And sorry fangirls, he's taken!" she squeals. "Edgar himself confirmed he's dating a woman with the last name of Prior. We caught him leaving a hotel building."
When she gives the name, I lean over and vomit into the bushes. Prior? Tris Prior? Hotel?
I bury my face into my hands and sob, crying and crying.
I've lost her. I should've never chose stardom.
I'm sure if I don't love her anymore. I'm not sure if I'm over her.
"I love Christina," I whisper to myself. I'm not sure what it's for, whether it's encouragement for myself or if I really do.
"Four? I knew I'd find you here."
Speak of the angel. "Hey Christina," I say, looking up into her eyes. "Why were you looking for me?"
"I heard the radio. I came here right after," she replies, sitting next to me on the soaked bench. Either she doesn't care about the water, or she's making a really good job of hiding the fact.
"Do you still love her?" Christina asks gently.
Immediately I make my decision.
"No. I love you Christina."
I can tell she's shocked, and I am grateful for the rain for covering my tears.
"I love you too," she whispers.
And then her lips are on mine.
~
"It's real, Tobias, it's real," I chide myself, pacing back and forth in the room. "Get over Tris. You don't love Tris. You love Christina."
I swear I'm from one of those movies, where a devil and angel are perched on my shoulders.
The angel encourages me for finding someone new after Tris, and the devil gives me fifty reasons for FourTris.
Why am I crying so much?
"Tobias!" I yell at myself. "Be stronger, you Pansycake!"
Like I said (in Far From You), we use Pansycake a lot now, as a shrine to Uriah. So don't think I'm Pansycake either.
"Why did she do this to me?" I sob, knees weakening from beneath me. This is why I don't usually go for relationships. It's a complicated business, it makes you twist until you don't know who you are no longer. It makes you do stupid things you promised you would never do.
But then, there was the beautiful side of a relationship. The side that makes you smile and laugh, the side that makes you feel like you're riding on Cloud 9. It makes you smile in the morning, making life worth living. It teaches you to be selfless. It makes every day worth living, and gives the feeling that you and your special person can do anything.
I bury up into a ball and sob until there are no tears left inside me.

Feels!
How do you feel about Four and Christina?
I know, I hate it too, but it's part of my plot.
If it makes you feel better, it's a FOURTRIS series, so there's got to be some FourTris later.
Right?
Right.
OMFG... Maybe right can be our always.
I can't believe I updated twice in a day! Hopefully more updates to come soon.
QOTC: What are your thoughts on relationships?
Me: I wrote it for Tobias's POV... Hopefully you just read it.

~ Evie 👓