Outerbanks "falling in love"

Chapter 37- JJ can get over it

Chapter 37- JJ can get over it

song

Malibu nights

By; Lany

Maddi's pov- *warning -self harm*

Topper helped me kick everyone else out of the party. We cleaned up a bit inside picking up stray beer cans. The outside was a mess but we would clean that tomorrow.

"You crashing here?" I ask Topper walking from the bathroom. I changed into an oversize t-shirt and some shorts.

"When do I not" He jokes. I walk over and plop next to him leaning my head on his shoulder. "You good mads?"

"Yeah it's just-" I sigh.

"JJ" He asks with a knowing smirk.

"What... no" I bluff hoping he'll buy it.

"Maddi, you're my best friend. I know when you're lying" He says turning to look at me.

"I mean when I saw him with that girl it made me mad. And I don't know why" I explain.

"Maybe because you still love him" Topper suggest.

"You're delusional top" I say patting his shoulder. He just laughs leaning back on the pullout.

"Night loser" He shouts as I walk down the hall.

"Night *sshole" I shout back. Instead of going to my room I go to john b's room. Pictures were scattered all over the floor. All my memories ruined from one stupid night. Tears escape my eyes as I clean up the mess.

 I try to salvage as many pictures as I can but most of them are too bad. Salty tears slide down my face. Each tear stinging my cheeks. I sneak out of the room and tip toe down the hall peaking down the hall to make sure Toppers asleep. He was sprawled out on the pull out snoring. 

I turn around and stumble into the bathroom. More tears run down my face as I shut the door behind me and frantically search the drawers. I take a deep breath when I find a razor in one of the drawers. I slowly pull out one of the blades setting the rest of the razor on the counter.

 I look at myself in the mirror. All I see is brokeness. A shell of the girl I used to be. All I see is a girl who's desperatly trying to find happiness. Trying to find a reason to wake up in the morning. I take a deep breath before dragging the blade across my arm. Hoping it makes me feel something, anything.

 I watch as the blood trickles down my arm. I do another one, and another one. Watching the blood fall into the sink. More sobs escape my mouth as I get a rag to clean up the blood. I tie a bandana around my arm which is my usual go to to cover up my scars. Once the bathroom is clean I walk into John b's room for a restlest night of sleep.

~ 

It's been a week since the party and everythings gone back to almost normal. The girl I punched has a black eye and avoids me in the hallways. I smirk to myself everytime I see her eye. She deserved it. Kie and Pope have gone back to only waving at me when I pass them. 

 But JJ has gone to completely ignoring me. I tried to talk to him monday when we got to school which results in him walking away from me. It kinda hurt until I saw him later that day macking on some other random girl. The hurt quickly washed away.

 We only have 2 weeks of school left so everyone is buzzing around school. Besides me. Secretly I'm dreading summer. Summer's only going to bring last years memories to resurface. I walk into 5th period. I have this class with Kie, Pope, Topper and JJ.