[Completed]
After being separated by morals, by death, and at last by duties, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji find themselves with an empty space in their lives and an unexplained longing to see each other again.
With everything they have been through, t...
"In the coldest winds, I discovered my soul's warmest fireplace in the roughness of his stubble, the tenderest love." ― Sanober Khan, A Thousand Flamingos
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Warning: Mature Content
Wei Wuxian
If a thousand people look at you, they see you in a thousand different ways, even though you're just one single person. They refuse to see parts of you. The parts they don't want to see. And sometimes we are forced to hide certain parts of us, for your own sake, or for some other person's sake. Sometimes the reasons for each of your actions become that part.
From that moment on, the world will never be the same. Thousands of interpretations of yourself, thousands of reasoning, thousands of reasons to be hated, and thousands of reasons to be an outcast. You will feel that the world is unfair, but can it be blamed? It's just the way the world is.
After days of reasoning and being stuck in my head, I accepted this. But going through the memories has never been easy. I felt as if a weight that I've been holding on to was lightened after revealing my past to Lan Zhan, but I can't stop them when the flashbacks start.
It's going to be another sleepless night.
The memories of the Burial Mounds are still vivid although it happened a lifetime ago. I wince when I feel as if those voices are still in my head.
Snap out of it Wei Ying...
It does no good. I feel the reality slipping away and I'm slowly getting lost in the memory.
I wanted to grasp something that keeps me away from it. I subconsciously roll to my side and keep my head on the chest of the man sleeping next to me. I grab his robe in my fist and hide my face.
"Wei Ying?"
Crap... he's awake.
"What's wrong?" Lan Zhan asks.
I shake my head since I feel that I'll breakdown if I use my voice. I hold on to him, without loosening my grip. He turns to his side hugging me and I snuggle into his warmth, taking deep breaths to calm myself down.
Suddenly the need for feeling something sends a shiver through me. Not just warmth, something more intense, to feel that I'm real, that he's real. I want it to hurt so that I feel I'm alive. I want to feel pain, I want to feel him.
I look into his eyes.
"Wei Ying?"
I crash my mouth into his. He's surprised by my sudden outburst. I bite his lips and he responds with equally rough moves. Giving me what I want, he pushes his tongue on to me and lifts himself to his arms. I spread my legs letting him get on top of me and we continue to make out. I remove his robe and he helps me do it, and I put my hands around his naked torso.
When we part for breath I take his headband from the nightstand and wrap it a few times around my wrist.
"Tie it," I tell him.
"Wei Ying!"
"Lan Zhan, tonight you're going to use me. Do whatever you want. Make me exhausted that I remember nothing but you when I pass out."
He shakes his head. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Lan Zhan, please... I want this."
He still seemed reluctant. But finally, he nods and ties the ribbon, and places my hands above my head. Then he looks into my eyes and holds his gaze for a while, confirming if I really wanted it. When I nod, he kisses my lips, sucking and biting on them. I moan into his mouth. He parts my robes and kisses all over my torso. He plays with my buds while palming me and this time I've got nothing to muffle my screams.
He removes my trouser and quickly prepares me. I tell him to not use the oil. Then he enters, and it hurts, but that's exactly what I want. I let out a painful moan and he stops moving halfway through.
"Lan Zhan... Go on... It's okay."
"Wei Ying..."
Bracing myself I move my hips and take him in completely. "I told you, I want this."
He sighs and starts moving, in rough fast thrusts. I moan his name again and again like a prayer as if that's the only thing that keeps me connected to this world. Tears of pain and pleasure pour from my eyes and he gently kisses them off.
I grab the pillow behind me as I get close, and I release with a few more thrusts. He moves out, spilling his essence on my stomach.
Giving me no time to recover, he takes me in his hand, making me shudder. He removes his ribbon that tied my hands and they immediately wrap around him, nails digging into his skin as he enters again.
After a few rounds, he exhausts me just as I asked. I feel my eyes close, and his hands caressing my face as I fall into a deep slumber.
Lan Wangji
I take Wei Ying's hands and gently rub around the red marks on his wrists. He will be in pain in the morning. But this is Wei Ying. If he wanted it, he will get it somehow.
I climb on to the bed and caress the face of the sleeping figure. He was in a deep pleasant sleep. It seems the exhaustion was worth after all. I already cleaned him up and dressed him. I cup his face and he leans into it. Knowing where he finds comfort I lift his head slightly and keep it on my chest, and he snuggles against me.
I kiss his forehead and hold his hand which he kept on my chest.
"See you tomorrow Wei Ying" I whisper.
He snuggles even closer as if he heard it.
Whatever you went through in the past, I will make sure that you live the rest of your life feeling that it was worthwhile Wei Ying. I hope I can rewrite to them.
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