2gether. (Sarawatxtine) ( On Hold)

S A R A W A T.

Tine was a dense man. Clues don't sit well with him. 

He is either avoiding my advances by acting unbothered or he was actually that dumb.

both the options were not suiting my situation.

Talking was never my strong pursuit, I was always straight forward and bold but expressing myself with articulate heartfelt speeches, I couldn't do that. I wasn't a poet, I was plain old sarawat. So I tried showing it, I tried always being there for tine, I tried flirting, I sang him songs, stared at him until I had my fill. But tine being Tine took it casually, always ended up arguing with me and treated me like a somewhat friend who has done him a huge favor by agreeing to help him.

It blew my mind how he conveniently avoided my truthful one-liners.

like, when I went to meet him at his cheerleading practice and he asked me some stupid questions his seniors set him up with, it annoyed me so much I wanted to talk to him for some time, not answer those stupid questions but he had to be sweet and kind to everyone else but me, so I annoyed him back by choosing wrong options, and when finally he asked me if I liked him or soap operas better, It was so easy, I told him I liked him better.

But of course, he never took it seriously.

It frustrates me to no end, I know I am playing with fire right now, the chances of tine to ever like me back were very slim because he has very straightforwardly told me that he liked girls, and from the way that he never really catches on with my advances it makes me wonder maybe he will never really see me in that light.

but the thing is, its physically impossible for me to move on from him, trust me I have tried, I have spent a year trying to forget him and find him simultaneously.

and when I finally found him again, to when he came to me with a bizarre solution to his problem, asking me to fake flirt with him. I have unconsciously always known that maybe I have set my heart on the road of heartbreak. 

Tine was going to be my undoing.

that beautiful human being who couldn't hurt a fly will keep my heart on his palm without ever knowing.

but I just couldn't let go, he could break my heart into thousand pieces but every part would still beat for him.

It was any way my tragic destiny to have fallen head over heels for a straight guy.

I did not know what future stores for me, but I know I can't let go of Tine if this was a classic case of my unrequited love, so, be it, at least I can keep him close and enjoy his company,  his presence was addicting.

I envy the people who got to date him, go to movies with him, snuggle with him, spent time with him, the people who saw his soft side, the people he sat and talked about his fears with, the people who got his attention, the people who were able to kiss him.

the people whom Tine chose, the people he found special. because it was getting pretty clear I am never going to be one of those people.

but then somedays in the music club I would be busy playing some guitar and would look up to catch him looking at me, and he would look away shyly

or how when he ordered his food he would remember that I was a fan of spicy food and order mine accordingly.

Or how even when he feigned a lot of confidence when we would walk through the busy streets of the city to reach my favorite music shop, he would unconsciously grab my hand and it would make me feel like the luckiest guy alive.

or how even when he would whine about being tired he would still never cut my call until he falls asleep due to exhaustion.

these little things lit a flicker of hope in my heart.