World From Another Angle (A collection Of Poems)

xxxxxxx. Sadness (not a poem)

What is sadness?
The dictionary tells us it's the quality or condition of being sad. It's unhappiness and sorrow. But it's not just that. It's a sort of emptiness that feeds on your worst fears and regrets. Sadness is a complicated emotion. It hurts but it's also numbing. It's heavy and suffocating but also nothing at the same time.
Sadness is a deep paradox.

When you tell someone you're sad, the most common reply is,

"Don't worry; just try and be happy. Just don't think about things that make you sad!"

And so you try. You do things that you normally like, but much to your dismay, you don't seem to enjoy it. You try so many different things, but nothing seems to help.
Now, you're sadder.
You can't find happiness; you're scared you may feel like this for the rest of your life. You can't seem to get this thought out of your head. All you can think about is this feeling you have. You don't have the enthusiasm you used to have about doing things you love. You can't seem to find words to explain how you feel, but at the same time you say you feel sad.
Sadness is a deep paradox.

You hope it will go away in a while.

It's been months of you feeling this way. At this point, you don't even bother letting yourself feel it. It's shoved to the back of your mind - just back there put away in a box. But sometimes it escapes and overwhelms you. You can't function normally. Hell, even getting up to get a glass of water seems a Herculean effort. It all so complicated but so incredibly simple.
And then it crosses your mind,
Maybe I'm depressed?

You immediately shove that thought away. You can't possibly be depressed. You have everything you'll ever need. Everything you'll ever need to be happy. It just wouldn't make sense for you to be depressed. There are people who have nothing , so it doesn't make sense for you to complain or be sad. This will wear off in a couple of days, you'll be fine.
But guess what, you're not. You feel exactly the same if not worse. Everything is overwhelming , things you used to do without even thinking about now requires an inordinate amount of energy.
You don't know what to do now.
You feel sad.
You feel alone.
You feel like nobody cares.
Sometimes, you don't feel anything at all.

You feel you shouldn't feel this way.

✨
But it is okay to feel this way. You're not alone. You have a family and friends who love you and root for you no matter what; family and friends who care. And if not all those, you have me. You matter to me; I am rooting for you. I care. It's okay for you to feel things, even sadness or depression. But what's not okay is you going through it alone. You don't have to, I'm here for you- all of you, any of you. And I want you to know that I appreciate you and you are enough.
If all you did today was give yourself a shower, its okay. Its okay if that used up all your energy. Its okay if you didn't have any energy to do anything else. Because that an achievement. Baby steps are what matters.
And for those who think you don't deserve to feel sad because other have it worse,
Yes, others do have it worse. But that does not mean you don't get to feel what you feel. No one else is going through your journey. You're the one in your own shoes. Only you know what you've survived. So, it's okay to feel.

It's okay for you to take some time off. It's okay to seek help. Talk to your people. Or you can always talk to me. You can do this. Just please, don't give up.
Let yourself heal.
I guess what I'm also trying to say is, it takes time. You can't rush your healing.
Be patient and heal.
Better days are coming, my love.

And this may not the case for everyone, everyone's journeys are different. What you go through may not be what I go through. But whatever it maybe, don't hesitate to seek help when you need it.

Mental health is just as important as physical or emotional health. And it is real.
Once again, I'm always here for you. Feel free to talk to me anytime.

Much love,
Devika