The hangman's first love

05 Will you take my hand?

When Cole arrived at home, he felt strange. Usually this house filled him with peace and calmed him down but today it was different. His heart ached and everything seemed to be far away. He tried to eat something but even the strawberries from his garden tasted blunt and so he skipped dinner today. Something he hadn't done in years. Instead he started to clean the whole house. He wasn't one of the tidiest people, but cleaning kept his hands busy and helped him to sort out his thoughts. His head felt like a whole mess and he asked himself: Had he really done everything possible? Should he have been clearer? Maybe he should have told Jay how he felt? She seemed so hesitant because of him and his future. Cole regretted that he had left her so early, but now it was to late. It was all up to Jay now.

While he tidied the house, he found an old dress from his mother. It was a simple tunic, but its dark blue and cream color were as beautiful as Cole remembered them. He took the dress out of the big chest and placed it carefully on his bed. His fingertips caressed the long cream-colored sleeves and the tiny yellow blossoms that were stitched along the seams, the collar and the hem of the skirt. The fabric was soft and pleasant. He remembered how much he had loved hugging his mother when she had worn this dress. She had been a really strong person but her hugs had always been soft and gentle.

With some difficulty he fought back the tears and searched for the belt she had worn with this dress. There it was: a braided black leather belt. A lot of different but definitely nostalgic feelings welled up in Cole's chest and he no longer fought with his tears. He remembered all the good times with his family, especially his mother. She had been so beautiful and kind. He could still see her, with her long black hair, the gentle eyes and strong arms. She had always been calm. His rock in the waves, his haven of peace.

The tears kept rolling down his cheeks and when he finally stood up, he didn't know how much time had passed. The sun had already set and Cole felt as lonely as never before. Alone in this big house, with no chance of having any physical contact and nothing but the lingering fear of losing the one person he loved and truly cared about. It didn't matter to him anymore what Jay's gender was. It didn't matter that she didn't love him the same way he did. All that mattered was, that he didn't want her to die.

He wiped the tears away and folded the dress. But instead of just putting it away, he gently pressed it against his chest and inhaled deeply the delicate scent of violets. Even after all these years, his mother's perfume still hung in the fabric.

"What do you think about me? Loving someone like Jay? Would you accept her? Would you accept me? Us?" he whispered. He assumed that his father would have his problems with Jay, but Cole believed that his mother would tell him, that love was always right and pure. He nodded to himself. Yes, his mother would tell him to follow his feelings.

He gently placed the dress on his bed and cleaned up further. He made plans and decisions while his house got cleaner and tidier. And so did his head. When he stopped, it was far past midnight but he felt relieved now. He would do whatever it took to protect Jay.

~~~

Lord Garmadon's son, Earl Lloyd, was a young blond man and he seemed way too inexperienced to lead the court. But when he laid his emerald green eyes on him, Cole felt somehow strange. His gaze wasn't really unfriendly or intimidating, but he seemed to have the ability to look directly into his shaking soul. The urge to throw up tormented Cole, but he tried to ignore it.

"So, you ask for the hand of the condemned?" The young earl spoke up.

"Yes I do. I request permission to marry Jade since there are no other suitable brides for me. I live all by my self and I need a woman to take care of the household."

"Hm, reasonable. As long as I know, there's only one female child in Stiix you could wait for. But I guess you won't wait about ten years for her to grow up." Earl Lloyd's gaze was serious and he hummed quietly while he looked down on his papers. "I think there shouldn't be a reason to deny your request." He looked up and addressed Jay: "You have to know that your death penalty will be repealed, but when you marry the hangman, you'll lose your privileges as a citizen. You will live with him outside the city and you mustn't touch others. Your place in church is behind all the others and you will be as impure as Master Hence and so will be your children, grandchildren and so on. Do you understand the consequences of this decision?"