The Trees Smell Like Lemons

16. Weeping of the rain

Bea stood outside Sara's bedroom with the key poised in the lock. Her dad was at work and her mother was out. The note on the table said she was shopping but Bea knew that was a lie, she was probably with him. For what she needed to do right now, she was glad to have the house to herself. Her parents hadn't been in Sara's room since she died.

One night, a few weeks ago, Bea had a nightmare where Sara was taunting her for not going with her to the party and protecting her; in the dream Sara told her that is was Bea's fault she had died. She had woken up gasping for breath and sweat running down the back of her neck. She crept to Sara's bedroom, wanting to go to sleep in Sara's bed and breathe in the traces of her perfume left on the sheets. But when she tried the handle the door was locked. The next morning, she tried to casually bring it up with her parents. Her dad, as usual, had stayed silent while her mum had told her that this would be better for them all to help grieve Sara.

"There's no point going in her room and being reminded of the fact that she's not coming back," Connie had said.

Bea knew where the key was, but she hadn't once gone into Sara's room. She was afraid Connie was right.

With one last glance over her shoulder she unlocked the door and stepped into the room.

Everything was just as Sara had left it: bed unmade, and sheets tangled, a hairdryer was plugged in by the dresser, various travel books and magazines lay across the desk and the floor. Bea picked one up. It was for Paris. Sara had annotated throughout the entire book, highlighting what she wanted to do most and picking out the places she wanted to stay. Bea remembered going through the book with her, adding in the places she wanted to go. Paris was their dream. Every day she was reminded in some small way not only of the life Sara had lost but of all the things Bea would never do now that Sara was gone; it left her feeling hollow inside. Bea picked up another book, this time for Brazil. Denmark. Singapore. Canada. Italy. All these places that Sara would never get to see. Seeing all the travel books laid out, for the first time Bea realised just how little Sara had lived. Her unborn baby had never even had the chance. Bea thought about a world where Sara gave birth to a beautiful little baby, the birthday parties and family holidays together. Sending him off on his first day of school, watching him grow into a moody teenager. Not only had Sara been robbed of the chance to see her child grow up, Bea had been robbed from ever knowing him.

Bea tried to push those thoughts out of her head. She needed to focus. Starting at the desk Bea began to systematically search every inch of Sara's room. She wasn't quite sure what she was looking for but there had to be something here.

After nearly an hour of searching Bea collapsed onto the bed on frustration. There was nothing here. Maybe there was nothing to find, Bea thought. She'd been clinging onto a foolish hope that Sara had been guiding her these past few days. She leant back against the pillows and suddenly had a thought. Maybe... she reached under the mattress and her hands closed around something solid. Bea smiled to herself, sometimes she forgot how alike she and Sara were. For one thing, they both had the same secret hiding place. Bea kept her notebook under her mattress. She pulled out the object which was in fact several objects. It was a bundle of letters; at least twenty, all tied together. Bea undid the bundle and opened the first letter.

Sara,

I thought about you almost every second of every hour today.

You occupy my waking thoughts and dreams. Sometimes I

can hardly believe my luck that you would choose someone like

me to love. I was thinking about the last time I saw you, in the

blue striped dress, your golden hair loosely draped around your

shoulders. I could not have stayed away from you even if God

himself appeared and commanded me to lest he smite me where

I stood. I know what we're doing is dangerous and that it pains

you to keep our love a secret, but just hold on a little while longer

my love. Soon we will be able to be together.

Yours,

A.H

Bea read the letter three more times. It was one of the most romantic things she'd ever read. Bea didn't really care much for soppy declarations of love but Sara was an old fashioned romantic. Bea knew she would have loved these letters. A quick scan through the rest revealed they were all from A.H. Whoever this person was, they were clearly in love with Sara. Had she been in love with them? The letters were creased as if someone had opened them up to read them over and over again then before carefully folding them back up.

While she was debating whether to read the other letters, her phone rang. Her heart skipped several beats when she saw who was calling. Adam. She hadn't seen him since the night he came over to her house and they'd looked at the file together. Was that only a couple of days ago? She remembered him holding her. With slightly trembling hands she answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello Isabelle. I wanted to see how you were doing. The other day must have been a bit of a shock."

"Yeah it was a little hard to process. Actually, I've found out some other things about Sara since then. I've sort of been wanting to talk to you about it. I know that's crazy, you didn't know Sara and we hardly know each other." Bea pressed her lips together to stop herself saying anything else. What was she doing?

"It doesn't sound crazy to me. I told you that night that I would always be here if you needed me."

"Thank you that means a lot."

"What things did you find out?" Adam's voice came out a little sharper than Bea was expecting.

"I don't want to talk about it over the phone. Will I see you at school tomorrow?"

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so I might not be in."

"Oh." Bea tried to hide her disappointment; she could wait another day to see him. "Alright then I guess I'll see you the day after."

"Yeah. Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"Well I'm not doing anything right now. If you're not busy either, maybe I could come over to your house?"

Bea swallowed. Adam wanted to come over to her house. To see her. These sorts of things just didn't happen to her. She glanced at the time. Her dad wouldn't be back for another couple of hours. Her mum on the other hand was a different story.

"Bea? Are you still there?"

"Yes! Sorry I was just thinking."

"Listen I hope that didn't come across as too forward. I just wanted to see you."

"I'd like that. Come over whenever you like." What the hell, Bea thought. Her parents had never forbidden her from having boys round.

"I'll be there in about an hour."

Bea spent the next forty- five minutes trying on different outfits. She settled on an old pair of navy-blue jeans and a simple white blouse. She added a little bit of make- up but not too much to make it obvious. When she felt she was presentable she looked around her room. It looked like a bomb had gone off. The next fifteen minutes were a mad dash to cram everything back into her wardrobe. She'd just finished when the doorbell rang. Bea smoothed her hair back, as much as possible, and went downstairs to open the door.

Adam was leaning against the doorframe, wearing a leather jacket and boots.

"Wow. You're really rocking the biker look," Bea joked.

"I can rock all the looks but this one is a particular favourite of mine," Adam replied. "Can I come in?"

"Of course!" Bea jumped back from the door to let him in. "I would offer you something to eat but I think we both know I cannot be trusted in the kitchen."

"It's a good thing I brought dinner then." Adam held up a bag. "Hope you like Italian."