The Trees Smell Like Lemons

4. The wise and the lovely

"Bea?" Tom's voice sounded very far away. "Did you hear what I said?"

Bea looked over at him. The drive back to her house wasn't very long and Tom was pulling up in the driveway. "Sorry I was a thousand miles away".

Tom smiled. "I was saying you never replied to my text about breakfast tomorrow."

"Oh breakfast. Sorry I completely forgot. That sounds great, let's do that."

"Great. I'll swing by your house around 7.30am with Lila?"

"Perfect."

***

The rest of the day passed slowly. After Bea got home, her Mum made her watch a Christmas movie with her to "get into the spirit". Steve wasn't there and Bea didn't ask where he was. Steve didn't come back for dinner either. After an awkward dinner of dodging Connie's questions about where she had been this morning, Bea told Connie she wasn't feeling well and was going to bed.

She lay awake in bed trying to get to sleep. There was a soft knock at the door and Connie came in.

"How are you feeling?" Connie asked, hovering in the doorway.

"A little better."

"I think you should stay home tomorrow. It's too soon to go back to school and you're not feeling well either."

"Mum I'll be fine in the morning and we've been over this school thing. It's only two weeks until the end of term. I want to see my friends and try and get back into my normal routine."

Connie started to say something else but thought better of it. She came over to Bea and kissed her on the forehead.

"Okay. Goodnight sweetheart. I love you."

"Love you too. Goodnight Mum." Bea watched her Mum as she walked out the room.

At nearly 2am the sound of keys jangling in the front door jarred Bea from her restless sleep. She crept out of bed and opened the door as silently as possible. She could hear her parents arguing.

"What sort of time is this? Where have you been?" Connie demanded.

"I went for a drive. I needed some time alone." Bea heard the door slam.

"Be quiet! You'll wake Isabelle."

Steve mumbled a reply Bea didn't catch, and she strained to hear their murmured conversation. She heard footsteps walking down the corridor towards the stairs.

"I needed you today," Connie's voice wavers slightly and Bea knows she's fighting the urge to cry. One thing Bea and her mother had in common was that they both hated crying.

The footsteps on the stairs stop. "Connie..." Steve sighed then continued up the stairs. Instead of walking towards the spare room, where Bea knows he's been sleeping for the past few weeks, he turns the other direction towards Bea's room.

Shit. She closes the door as quickly and silently as she can and sprints across the room pulling the covers over herself just as Steve opens the door. He comes into the room and sits on the bed. Bea squeezed her eyes shut and tried to keep her breathing even. Steve stroked her head like he used to when she was younger and afraid of the dark, and she felt his hand trembling. He stifled a loud sob.

"Dad? Are you okay?" Bea tried to sound as if she had just woken up.

"Sorry Bumble Bea I didn't mean to wake you," Steve turned away, surreptitiously rubbing his eyes.

"It's okay I was having trouble sleeping anyway," Bea sat up in bed and hugged her knees to her chest. "Dad can I ask you something?"

"Anything sweetheart."

"Why can't we talk about her anymore?"

Steve closed his eyes and didn't speak for a long time. Bea immediately regretted asking.

Finally, Steve spoke. "We can talk about her. You just need to understand it's hard for your mum and me."

And it's not hard for me? Bea thought.

"I know Dad. I'm sorry."

Steve smiled at her and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's late, try and get some sleep okay?"

Bea nodded and slid back down in bed letting Steve tuck the covers around her.

"Good night my little Bumble Bea." Steve shut the door leaving Bea staring into the darkness.