The Trees Smell Like Lemons

32. Darkness of the grave

Bea stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom, twirling experimentally. She'd picked the dress especially for tonight. It was Sara's. Sara had loved going to the Christmas Eve Ball. Every year she made Connie buy her a new dress months before the dance. The one Bea was wearing now is what Sara had picked out a month before she died. It was an emerald green vintage style circle dress with off-the-shoulder sleeves. The bodice was beautifully decorated with lace flowers. Bea wished Adam could see her in it. Her jewellery was simple; she wore the gold necklace she'd found in the attic.

"Bea?" Connie knocked on the door.

"Come in."

The door opened slowly, and Connie stepped into the room. She took one look at Bea and covered her mouth. For a moment Bea was scared she'd tell her to take the dress off but when Connie took her hand away she was smiling.

"You look beautiful."

Bea tried to say thank you, but only managed a weak smile. She turned away but Connie caught the look in her eyes.

"Honey, I don't want to cause any trouble. I know how long you've looked forward to tonight. I just wanted to give you something." Connie held out a small box, tied with a ribbon.

Bea took the box tentatively and sat down on her bed to open in. Inside was a pair of sapphire earrings. They were stunning. The stone was small and surrounded by diamonds. The colour of the gem was rich and reminded Bea of Adam's .

"Do you like them? My mother gave them to me on my eighteenth birthday. I was going to give them to Sara on her birthday. I want you to have them now."

"I don't know what to say Mum."

Connie reached out and carefully stroked a strand of Bea's hair back into place. "You need to know that no matter what happens between your father and I, I will always love you."

"Isn't that what you promised Dad when you got married? I can see how much that promise is worth to you," Bea muttered.

"It's not the same. I still do love your father and I always will, but we were so young when we first started dating. We've changed. We want different things now. Six months ago, I told your father I was leaving him."

Bea stared at her Mum in shock. "What?"

"We'd been growing apart for a long time. We had gotten to the point where we didn't even fight anymore, it was like we'd both given up. I met someone else, his name is Sean. Nothing happened between us, but I did fall in love with him. I told your father. He begged me for one more chance. He promised he'd try harder, make more of an effort. It was the hardest decision of my life, but I agreed. I told Sean that I couldn't see him anymore. Your father and I decided to go to marriage counselling. When Sara died everything changed. Some couples, when they lose a child, their grief can bring them closer together. With us, it destroyed whatever fragile chance we had at saving our marriage. I got a call not long after Sara died. It was Sean. He told me how sorry he was and asked me if there was anything he could do. I went to see him, and I have been ever since."

"So, all this time you've been lying to Dad?" Bea was close to tears.

"No. I told your father that is really was over. I couldn't do it anymore. We agreed to keep living together, for your sake. I didn't tell him about Sean because I thought it would break his heart."

"Mum..."

"None of that changes how I feel about you. How I still feel about your sister. You girls were the loves of my life, the best thing that ever happened to me was being your Mum."