returns ➴ letters spin off

for the last

friday - 6:27 a.m.

there's only one thing that i should be saying to you, but we all know that 'less is more' was never my motto.

the truth is, aide, you're right to hate me.

you're right to hate me because, like you said, i am a liar- i lied to myself for twenty-four months about being 'okay.' another reason why you should hate me is because i don't know how to treat women right. i mean c'mon, i made your mom and sister fall for me- a fucked up, scared, and ignorant boy. they didn't deserve to be tricked like that. and yes, you're right, i hate nick. why? because he deserves to love you, because he's good to you and he doesn't hurt you like i do. and yes, you should hate me for ruining your birthday.

but these are just a few reasons why you're right to hate me. here's some more;

you should hate me because i've infected you with thoughts that won't let you sleep at night. i've opened my heart to you, trusted you with the keys, putting too much pressure on you. you should really hate me because i left you. i told you i loved you then made you think that i didn't by leaving. you're right to hate me because i've made this beautiful girl, who's smile was the brightest thing i had ever witnessed, cry. i dissolved your smile with tears of frustration and anger and sadness. i took away what made you, you.

you're right to hate me, aide, for all those reasons.

but you should give me a second chance.

why?

because i brought out your smile. i was the first one to ever make you laugh after your parents got divorced. i was the first person to ever make you feel something other than sadness and anger. you should give me another chance because i've never lied to you. ever. everything i said to you, they're all true. i deserve another chance because when they told me to pour myself into everything i loved- i poured everything into you. i should get another chance because i've never looked at anyone the way i look at you. i should get another chance because i left for us.

i left for you.

i left to get myself fixed, to stop hurting myself and more importantly- you. because i went to rehab, aide, i should get another chance. you should give me another chance because i haven't cut in 605 days, otherwise known as the day you begged me to stop. i should get another chance because i know everything about you. your fears, your dreams, your pet peeves. everything. i know what toppings you get on your pizza and on your pinkberry. i know you better than you know yourself and you know me better than i know myself, that's why you should give me another chance.

you should give me another chance because how can i lose someone that knows how to cheer me up even before i get sad? how can i lose someone as perfect as you? hell, perfect is an understatement when it comes to you. because you know what? you're so much more than perfect- you're breathtaking. you should give me another chance because the moment i got home from rehab, i ran all the way to your house in the pouring rain. i stood in front of your house peeped through your window and saw you ripping up our pictures, crying. it hurt, but i still stood there. you know why, aide?

it's because i love you.

- eli