returns ➴ letters spin off

for the tenth

friday - 5:37 p.m.

i don't know why, but when i was reading all the letters this is the one that hurt the most.

maybe it's because this letter made me realize how you were beginning to forget me-forget us.

i know you ended it with saying that you missed me a lot, but that wasn't the point. the whole letter was about you forgetting me. you were so busy that you couldn't even write to me!

on tuesday, you forgot the way i told you about that café and how nick and i used to go when we were little kids. i showed him that place. i always wanted to take you but we never did.

on wednesday, you forgot how i live a street away from taylor. i was on my afternoon bike trail when i saw you guys get out of nick's car. i hurriedly jumped off my bike and behind a tree.
i tried peeping every now and then to see when he had left... he's so clingy, i had to stay there awhile.

on thursday, you forgot how my little sister, leila, is in ballet too. you forgot how she's best friends with poppy and how my whole family watches their recitals every year.

i was there this year. i was sitting three rows behind you. you were gazing into nick's eyes which is probably why you didn't notice me. when i saw you sit down with aunt danielle and nick i jumped up from my seat and told my parents i was going to stay in the back. they understood, i mean, they always do when it comes to you.

i wish that i could say i was watching leila do her twirls and jumps or whatever you call them the whole time, but i wasn't. i was watching you.

as i looked at you, i realized that if i didn't hurt you like that then maybe i'd be the one sitting beside you, holding your hand and kissing your cheek. maybe we'd take leila and poppy shopping for new costumes after the show because they had done so well. maybe i'd be the one picking you up and bringing you home everyday. maybe i'd be the one who stays for dinner, over and over and over.maybe i'd be the one who's chest you'd fall asleep on. maybe i'd be the one you'd tell your friends about. maybe i'd be the guy that took up every inch of your dreams. if i didn't hurt you like that then maybe you'd be mine.

but you aren't... anymore at least.

you should know though, that even if you're forgetting me all i do is remember you.

and all i do is remember how much i love you.

- eli

p.s.

you don't have to worry about trying hard not to miss me.

you're doing a pretty good job at it.