The Space Between Us | L.S

Losing Focus

I rested my head into my fisted hand, pushing my cheek up. There were no windows in the lecture hall so I imagined the winter wonderland that was brewing outside. I knew the moment I stepped out of the building, it would be as if I had stepped into a snow globe. I looked around my Applied Nuclear Physics course, watching students eagerly summarize the words our professor was spewing out, and usually, I would be one of those students. This was my favourite course I was enrolled in this term but I have been feeling this bleak cloud over me these past few days. The routine schedule I was living finally catching up to me.

It was the end of November and with finals creeping up my days consisted of school, work, school, a panic attack every now and then, more work and a sprinkle of self-loathing just to spice it up. The days seem to be almost identical to my prior school year but when I think back at all the repeated moments; there was one thing that really escaped me from my monotonous life; Louis.

Our few moments hiding beneath the covers between our snoozed alarm clocks, him cooking me one of his many pasta dishes when I was too busy studying to cook or just texting him in class.

When I returned to school late September, I busied myself instantly; I added an extra course onto my curriculum, asked for more hours than I needed at work, and spent my free time with my head lost in a textbook. Yet, I often found my mind wandering towards him. Especially now since seeing him on Halloween.

That was the last time I had saw or spoken to him and yet I was happily living off the memory of his touch. More importantly his last words to me.

"You're making this too hard."

My daydream bubble burst into the classroom's air as my professor closed the textbook he was reading from. "Let's end it there. See you all Thursday."

I did not need to be told twice and practically sprinted out the door. The entire tram ride home I found myself into a never-ending circle of thinking about Louis, shaking the idea of my head and moments later his face popping back into my head.

Luckily, I busied myself with my research paper that was due at the end of the week. Finding myself slipping into a familiar, focused state where all I needed to worry about was kinetic energy. I finally shut my laptop at quarter after one, needing no other excuse to slip into my bed.

I was only asleep for an hour before my phone started humming next to my ear. Out of shock and auto-pilot, I picked up the phone; lethargically holding it near my ear.

"Hello?" I garbled.

"Wendy?" I shot up from my pillow, pressing the phone to my ear at his cracking voice.

"What's wrong?" I listened to the breathing on the other line, as my eyes tried to adjust to the darkness of my room.

"I need you." Louis whispered on the other end.

"I'll be right there."

I had left the house so abruptly I hadn't thought to change out of my flannel pajamas; the hem of the pants flowing over my sneakers. As soon as he opened the door, my heart heaved. Dark blue eyes looked back at me as if an ocean had been encased inside of small glass marbles. He backed into his door, making room for me to walk past him. As soon as he shut his door, I took him into my arms. His body stood tense for a moment before he relaxed, his arms pulling me closer to him. He tucked his head between my shoulder and neck, his breathing tickling my ear faintly.

"What's wrong Lou?" He didn't answer and I started to pull away until I felt wetness coat my neck. "Lou? Tell me what's wrong? I'll help you." Once again, my probing was returned with silence. The only sound was his shaky breaths.