The Space Between Us | L.S

Sanction

Trigger warning // sexual assault and consent

His bedroom window was opened, letting the cool late summer breeze slice through his room. Our heated bodies accepting the breeze with gratitude. We had a small tiff moment earlier. His thesis advisor had given him constructive criticism he didn't agree with and he took it out on me. I attempted to ease his mood by performing the Macarena until he let out a swift exhale of air through his nostrils, an almost too small smile forming on his lips. He shook his head for a moment probably questioning why he was sleeping with the woman in front of him before he lightly pushed me backwards, my body bouncing on his mattress.

"Should we watch a movie or something?" I suggested, glancing at the remote control next to me.

He ignored my question, his body falling against mine. He held himself over my body with his arms, pushing himself downwards he left hungry kisses against the dip of my chest.

"What about Cloud Atlas?" I suggested the movie he had mentioned wanting me to watch a few weeks ago. As if he has loss all abilities of hearing, he went on as if I had no said anything. He pushed himself up, jerking his pullover over his head. As he was reaching for his belt buckle I spoke again.

"So no movie?" I asked, when really I wanted to propose the idea of doing something that didn't involve taking our clothes off.

"I've had a hard day yeah? Can you please?" His voice was chipped, and his words sliced through the warm air. My eyes widen at his abrupt shift in tone.

"O-oh yeah." I lamely replied, and not knowing what else to do, I started to unbutton my trousers.

My eyes looked towards the adjacent walls, I studied the replica of the Flaming June. Brushing loose hairs from my eyes, I focused on the way the orange dress drapes over the woman's curvilinear body. I've studied this painting many times; when Morgan has fallen asleep and I am sitting on the edge of his bed putting my shoes on or if he was going on about something I didn't care to listen to. However, right now, it was as if I couldn't look away. Her body was quite similar to mine and yet I didn't see myself as beautiful as she was. I listened to the raspy grunts from the man behind me. Morgan didn't make me feel as beautiful as the Flaming June. I mean, it wasn't his job to make me feel beautiful I suppose or was it? What was the job of a fuck buddy? Sexual gratification, yes. But you'd think as he's fucking me he'd throw me a compliment or two. I know he found be at least appealing enough to have sex with; he's not the type of person to just have sex with any bird off the street. His hands grip my waist tighter, and I become overwhelmingly aware of my hip fat squishing between his fingers like goo. I squirm a bit in his hold. His thrusts were not for my pleasure; I could feel his breath becoming more apparent. I caught my reflection in the small television propped over to our right. I could tell it was me, I recognized the physical traits of woman reflecting back towards me but my mind couldn't comprehend that it was really me. It was as if I was watching a movie of myself. Morgan's body was cut off by the small screen but I could see the tops of his fingers gripping my waist and paid close attention to the way my body kept jerking forward. It wasn't till I glanced downward that I realized my fingers were cleaning at his navy sheets. Oh right, I am having sex.

Shouldn't I be completely aware that I am having sex?

My brain was clouding over and I started to experience odd emotions I couldn't pinpoint.

"Wait, hold up." I said clearly, I just needed a moment to recollect my thoughts. I just needed one moment of pure silence to feel like myself again. However, his thrusts didn't cease and I wondered if he had not heard me.

"Wait. Stop for a moment." I spoke more firmly and clearly, and un-fisted my hands to prop myself up with open palms.

"Hold on, I'm almost finished." He grunted, propelling with more purpose than before.

"I-" The words got caught in my throat. The trusts became more aggressive and I let out a painful mewl as he released one last grunt. I felt his hot liquid insert me, as he distanced himself away from me, rolling onto his back next to me. I stayed in that position for several moments, taking in the pure silence I had asked for earlier. Yet, this wasn't the outcome anticipated.

"Fuck." He half-groaned, half-laughed. He ruffled his hair, his head falling back against the mattress. I couldn't look at him. What just happened?

"Can you pass me a towel or something?" I finally found my voice, my body still in the same position.

"Mhmm." I reached an open hand in his direction, keeping my eyes focused on the brick wall in front of us. I felt the rough fabric of a tea towel grace my fingertips and reached awkwardly behind me to wipe away the excess liquid. When I brought my hand back in front of me, I noticed how much I was trembling.

What just happened?

I took a few deep breaths and focused only on the feeling in my legs. I pushed myself off the mattress, falling back into a sitting position. My eyes looked towards the painting once again. I studied her relaxed features and quickly mimicked them onto my own face before turning towards the man next to me.

He gave me a lopsided smile. "We can watch a movie or whatever now." He said, grabbing for the remote.

I sat through the entire movie with him. The activities that had just taken place not fully registering in my mind. He got snarky with me when I told him I didn't understand the film. It wasn't that I didn't understand the premise, it's just I didn't know what the premise was. My eyes had stayed focused on the screen the entire two hours and fifty-two minutes but I truly couldn't recount one scene from the entire thing.

"Not many understand it the first time, it's one of those movies where you get it or you don't. I got it but you'll just have to watch it again and-"

"I'm going to go." I interrupted, not even realizing he was talking under I noticed his ajar mouth and shocked eyes.

"Alright?" He said in question.

"Yeah, yeah I'm going to go." I quickly fisted my clothes, pulling my trousers over my cold legs. "I-I will see you later."

"Wendy, wait!" My hands halted on the door knob.

I turned around a sad smile very apparent on my face. "Yeah?"

"Make sure you close the door all the way, last time you left it cracked open and Logan had a piss fit about it." He said, his eyes already focused on the television again.

"Oh,sorry about that." I lamely replied, before slipping out of his door.

I swallowed down a cry as I walked out of his flat. It's fine Wendy.