The Space Between Us | L.S

Obstinate

I know tensing against the shaking of my limbs is useless but I do it instinctively, trying to suppress for a few more moments what I know I cannot. I kept glancing at the door, calculating my escape route if this silence prolonged any longer.

Louis insisted I stay for a bit longer and I don't know what part of me said yes; was it the part of me that couldn't feel my legs after my discovery or a small, tiny, miniscule part that still craved Louis' comfort.

"I should go." I finally said after a few moments of silence, I stood up from the cushioned seat ready to make my way to the door when my hands lit on fire from his touch. I looked down to see his fingers gently grasping my palm.

"Please stay." He asked quietly, looking up at me with those ocean blue eyes. "Just for a bit, I'll cook you something." He looked- I couldn't even put my finger on how we looked up at me- he looked sad, pleading, almost panicked. Emotions I rarely saw from the Louis I dated. Although my brain was screaming at me to say 'no', and leave. My bloody, weak heart was pulling me aggressively closer to Louis.

"Alright, but only if you make me pasta." I joked, knowing that's the only meal he could somewhat make.

"Ah, the chef's specality- good choice m'lady."

So there I sat, sitting crisscross on his wooden kitchen chair, swirling spaghetti noodles around the silverware he supplied me.

"You never responded to my text." He finally said, and I almost chocked on the long noodle making its way up my esophagus.

"Huh?" I so delicately inquired, wiping away the red sauce residue. My mother would be so proud of my table manners.

"I...I sent you a birthday text in April...when your birthday is." A small smile broke out on my confused face; sadistically enjoying him being flustered.

"I-I don't remember that." And truthfully I did not, I racked my brain for any memory of receiving a text from him. Surely, I would have remembered; honestly seeing a text from him would have stopped in dead in my tracks. Then realization pricked me and I let out a small laugh, "Oh! I changed my number." I had changed it mid-February as a spiteful way to cut off ties with my Mother (Louis and all the spam calls I get about fraud of my credit card just being an added bonus). However, come March 1st, my mother had my new number as that was the only way of coordinating visits with George.

"Oh." He said, almost too awkwardly. "Because of me?"

"No." I said simply, not letting him know any more details. We sat in another round of awkward silence before I dumbly mumbled out. "Happy Birthday."

He gave me a confused look so I explained further. "I didn't know we were supposed to wish each other happy birthday, so happy birthday." I trailed off awkwardly.

"Thanks Wen."

My eyebrows furrowed at the endearing name. "Don't call me that." I snipped out a bit too harshly. He did not get to call me my nickname reserved for friends and family. No, he was to call me my government name that was reserved for acquaintances and Starbucks baristas.

"Sorry." He rushed out, his eyes widening at my sudden outburst.

I calmed down instantly, taking in his reaction. "No, I'm sorry. That was-"

"Don't need to explain, I get it." He interrupted, looking back down at his half-eaten noodles. I let the awkward silence drip into my once again.

It was dusk when he drove me home. I insisted that I walked but of course, he insisted that he drove me. I kept my eyes fixated on the passing streets as he drove towards my flat. It was like muscle memory for him, and it made my heart hurt strangely at how comfortable he was in navigating himself towards my place. I wonder if he had ever driven past my house while we were broken up. Not like I had.

Okay, once.

In my defense it was right after I finished my finals last winter and I had nothing else to do. I borrowed Jonas' car and I was just looping around the city streets and somehow ended up in his neighborhood, and then somehow ended up on his street, and then there I was – looking into his flat building. It wasn't creepy until I found myself straining my eyes to look up into his window to see if I could get a glimpse of him. After a few moments, I saw a shadow dance along the conjoining wall and I skirted out of there as fast as possible.

Still hurting, I fucked myself over by imagining it to be Rhiannon.

Now knowing he moved, it could have been some education major named Emily for all I know.

His car stilled in front of my building and I finally looked at him. "Thanks for the ride."

"Don't mention it." He said softly, his eyes panning over my face. I went to reach for the door handle but his voice spoke once again. "Would you want to...uh. I'd like to see you again, to talk about things."

"Um," I trailed off "I don't know if that would be for the best." I surprised myself in saying. Hell yes, stick to your guns. Break for no man Wendy.

"Please." He insisted.

"Alright." I swiftly replied. Mentally palming my forehead, I gritted my teeth at how fast and easy I was able to break. I grabbed his phone from the cup holder, robotically punching in his passcode. "Oh sorry, uh.." I realized how that was not something I should be doing. "I was just...just punching in my new number. Sorry reflex." I said referring to the comfortableness I displayed in touching his private items.

"S' Alright." I scrolled through his contacts, finding my name still in there but I tried to ignore the unwanted hurt when I say he had removed me from as a emergency contacts and earased the heart next to his name.

"What is that?" I gasped and giggled like a school girl. I pinched his phone, swiftly pulling it from his loose grasp.

"Oi!" Louis made an effort to grab his phone back but I was already pouncing off the bed, backing myself against the wall to create distance. A giant smile creeped on my face when I saw the heart emoji next to Wendy James.

"You put a heart?" I asked, glancing up at his body that was narrowing in on me.

"Yes." He replied simply, now his turn to pluck the phone from my grasp. "Isn't that what kids do these day." If possible, the smile became larger on my face pinching my cheeks up. Whenever Louis justified something by saying it was a "kids thing", it was his way to downplaying something he was slightly insecure about. Like when he called me his partner for the first time to his friends he looked at me and whispered "Isn't that what you kids like to call it." I am not sure if he knew I had caught on but I couldn't dwell on that too much right now.

"I'm not quite sure. I don't have a heart next to your name." I replied coy.

"I am appalled Wendy. I go out of my way to show my affection electronically and I am just Louis Tomlinson in your contacts?" He was clearly joking but just to one-up his anecdote, I scooted past him and searched for my phone. "I was just joshing love, you don't need to."

"No, you are right Louis Tomlinson. How could I be so rude?" The humor still traceable in my voice. I searched through my emoji's, letting out a snort when I found the perfect one to decorate his contact with. I turned my phone so he could get a better look at the pixelated screen and his eyes dangerously narrowed when he saw the small shrimp clipart next to his name.

"Made me think of you." I shrugged, a micro smirk plastered on my lips.

"Why I outta." His arms enclosing me in as he threw us both onto his mattress.

I changed the number in his phone, swiftly returning it to the cup holder as I scurried out of his car. I leaned down, looking at his sitting form. "Text me. I'll answer this time." And with that I closed his door, not daring to look back as I made my way into my building.