The Space Between Us | L.S

Time is Dancing

August

"I found out from Julia who is dating that Spencer lad who is brothers with Joe's old flatmate and allegedly Louis sold his share last December with no notice. Leaving Bush and Joe with this new management who I guess sucked and what is bloody bonkers is that he sold his share for like half of what it's worth."

"Oh my god." My heart clenched tightly for Bush and Joe. "Didn't Bush have shares in the company."

"Yeah." Jonas said, his eyes wide - keying in to how fucked up the situation was.

"Why would he do that?"I breathlessly asked, this was so unlike Louis; or I guess the Louis I once knew.

"Maybe it was because of you." Jonas joked.

"Shut the fuck up!" I laughed humorlessly.

"You had a hold on him baby, ain't no coming back from you." I threw a throw pillow at him, smacking him straight in the face with a "thud". I think back to the night Louis cried in my arms, talking about how much he was fucking up. Was this what he was referring to?

The sun was no longer our summertime friend, it was an oppressive presence that sapped the energy out of every living thing. I was standing in front of our small air conditioner that was propped in the kitchen window.

Jonas lazily exited his room, a red-head named Sandra on his feet. Will and his relationship came to a still halt mid-spring. I was angry at first when Jonas broke it off with Will; I mean I thought it was amicable at first. Will wanted something more serious and Jonas wasn't ready so they broke it off but then Jonas had a new fling in his bed five days later. We had a short tiff about it but that ended pretty quickly when I realized it was his life and he could do whatever he wanted but I laid down the ground rule that dating each other's friends were strictly off-limits from now on.

I tried to keep mine and Will's friendship alive but with time it fizzled down to us always making plans but they never actually fell through and now we give each other small smiles when we pass each other in the hall. I get it, it would be hard to hang out with one of my ex-boyfriend's best mate/flatmate. Sam moved to Brighton in March after accepting a swanky position with their Astronomy Museum and we checked up on each other every once in a while. Celine was the only person who I felt like our relationship hadn't changed all that much, but she was pregnant with her third child, another baby boy, and like a ticking time bomb, I dreaded our friendship would too soon fizz out. I looked towards Jonas' although it was easy for us to talk smack about the others who we were sure "wronged us"; I couldn't help but notice we were always the common denominator.

I was soaking up the last moments of summer before I started my last first week of my undergraduate degree. From all the classes I enrolled myself in this summer, I had just been approved to graduate in December. The stress was consuming my every fiber in a very subtle way. The looming presence of my soon to be march into actual adulthood was pressing on me, by November I was sure to be flat on my back. I had made the dean's list the past three quarters which was something I was immensely proud of but it came with the price of my mental and physical health. I felt out of control and I took it out on my eating; sometimes going the entire day with a stomach fueled with diet coke and a few saltines.

In just a few weeks, I would be receiving my letter of fate to the graduate programs I applied to. University of Manchester was understandably my first choice but I also applied to some of the more difficult programs to get admitted into; I didn't plan on going to any of these schools but I just wanted to see if I could get admitted. Maybe give me a much-needed confidence boost.

I applied to University of Brighton.

"You think you are going to live this extraordinary life but living in Manchester is going to be no different than here."

My mother's words pierced through my subconscious. Her doubts about staying in Manchester were lying doubts on me. No matter how much I wanted to not care about her opinion; they still stung. Deep down I knew she was wrong, that I would make something of myself despite never returning to Bristol; I knew she only laid her doubts because I would be making something of myself without her help. I was not letting her make any decisions for me anymore.

"I don't think my life is going to be anything more than average."

Our arguing had a dull exhaustion to it, like we'd been over the same bitterness too many times before; which we had. I had a permanent sneer to my voice. I only had two days until I returned to Manchester and I was practically staring down the calendar.

"Just apply for positions here, Dr. Hanns more than likely has something for you or knows someone."

"No."

"You're the only child of mine who has an issue with my parenting."

"Because Alfie is like you and George doesn't know any better!" My breath halted in my throat as soon as the words came out. "That's not what I meant."

"You can be cruel to me, but don't you dare talk about your brother like that."

"I know I'm sorry that was out of line." I admitted, only because it wasn't her feelings my statement it had hurt but my harmless brother.

"Don't expect us to open our doors for you after you graduate and you realize your mistakes."

It had been almost an entire year since the last time I had seen my parents. The only communication was through George mainly. My parents despite not making the effort to cave and ask to see me, had driven George down in February for the weekend. Our only interaction was our cars pulling up beside each other in the McDonalds parking lot like feuding divorced parents shuffling their children back and forth on the weekend.

I had spent the holidays with Jonas' family; enjoying the quiet as it was only him and his mother. However, that meant George's Christmas present had been sitting in my closet for almost two months. George and I exchanged Christmas gifts on the eve before Valentine's Day; the whole situation being odd. Not speaking to my parents was odd, at first it was like I was breathing clean air for the first time in my life. If they thought I was making a huge mistake by staying in Manchester, then I was going to do everything in my power to prove them wrong.

Then I started to feel this feeling I was unsure what it really was. A bit of sadness, going through a break-up with not only your first love but your family isn't the ideal situation. Especially with my fleeting mental health.

"What time is Morgan coming by?" Jonas said breaking me from my spiraling thoughts.

"Six." I replied, simply. Sneakily reaching onto his plate and stealing a grape.

No, I was not my mental health anymore or my negative thoughts. Things are good, I am good.

I think.