bulletproof [riot×tank]

chapter 11 - you are not weak

Riot:

"A... A memory?" Tank asked sounding worried and slightly moved his head to look at me.
I was really uncomfortable but nodded.
"Yes" my voice was so quiet. Way too quiet.
"I'm sorry I was so rude to you" I said and looked at him. His eyes were almost completely dark and the moon reflected itself in them. My heart was beating irregularly when our eyes met.
"Hey..." He said softly and turned to me so we looked in each other's eyes.
"Don't worry. I... Wasn't very polite as well so... Technically we're even." He tried. I smiled and looked away.
"It's just... A difficult topic for me."
I played with one of my dread locks to calm myself down. I used to do this with my Mum's hair when I was younger and had a nightmare.
"Why?" He asked and took my other hand.
"I uhm... My... My family is a bit... Difficult. Yeah, that discribes it very well I guess" I talked too fast. I could tell by his eyes that he had problems to follow me.
"Riot..." He paused and watched me for a second.
"Hey, Riot... Look at me. It's alright. I'm here...i got you." Tank gently put a hand on my cheek and made me look at him.
I didn't even realize that I was shaking.
"Just tell me if you want to, okay?" Tank looked worried and that was definitely not what I wanted him to be. "If you want to keep it to yourself or its too hard to talk about it, it's okay. Really"
I could tell by his voice that this cost him much overcoming.
"N-No" I stuttered. I knew if I wouldn't tell him now I'd probably never tell anyone.
"I mean... I want to tell you. I think... You should know."
He smiled his little smile, which did not reach his eyes, but was still beautiful and honest.
I sighed quietly.

"Okay so... my... my father was never a good person to me. He..." I bit my lip and thought of the right words "Was lazy, loud and had a very great weakness for alcohol"
I smiled sadly.
"He didn't even have to be drunk to get angry, you know? Usually it was enough if... I was just in the wrong place or the weather wasn't right."
I began to scratch my wrist without noticing it. Tank slowly but determined pulled my hand away so I stopped it. I looked down at the reddened skin.
"I always wondered why my mom stayed with him. He beat her. And she never fought back. I always brought her water afterwards because I..."
I closed my eyes.
"I was eight or nine... and I didn't know what else to do.
I never understood that she didn't fight back so he wouldn't get mad at me and my little sister. And my mum didn't have a job back then. She should keep the house in order" I quoted my father.
"That's why she couldn't leave. She had no money to raise two small children on her own"
I swallowed to get rid of the lump in my throat, but it didn't do any good.
"Then I got older and became... a man. Beats shouldn't bother me anymore, right?
As a man you have to be able to take them, right?"
I tapped nervously on my knees and tried not to panic. Tank pulled the blanket off his shoulders and put it all over me.

"A-And then I slipped into the same track as my mum. I tried to keep everything away from my sister. So he would never be mad at her and...uhm I think...you know what I mean.
I could've left for college. Move to another state or something like that. But I just couldn't leave her. Or my mum." I wiped my eyes. I didn't cry but I wanted to make sure I wouldn't start.
"It worked. I mean to protect my sister. That worked. I have some souvenirs" I laughed joylessly and pulled up my sleeves.

Tank's eyes grew big, even though most of it had healed again.
The worst spots had turned dark purple and yellow. I turned my wrists so that he could see the inside.
"What's-?" he interrupted himself and carefully stroked his fingertips over the skin and stopped just before the five circular scars. Two on the left arm, three on the right.
"Cigarettes" I explained and lowered my arms. "When my mum saw this, she freaked out for the first time. She was immediately looking for a job, got one and then... Actually, everything happened very quickly after that." I muttered and casually took Tanks' hand again. I loved the feeling so much.
"She moved out with us and then moved to my grandparents until she could afford her own place. The divorce was about a year later. I was nineteen"

I looked carefully at Tank. I was afraid of scaring him. But he just sat there, looked at me attentively and held my hands.
"My father wanted to be helped.
He had noticed that he needed serious professional help and wanted to go through some weird therapies. Be clean. I don't know.
And I thought... that it's gotten better, you know? I mean, six years are a long time.
I've never seen him in the first four years. Not even for Christmas. And the last two years only very briefly. But he seemed somehow different... I thought"
I stopped and stared at nothing.
"Anyway, my mom wanted me to tell him at some point that I'm bi. Because... well you know"
I lowered my head and focused more on the veins on Tank's hands. I followed them with my fingers.
"We talked on the phone and he said he was nearby. So I went to him and"
I took a deep breath so my voice wouldn't tremble.
"I think he doesn't want to come to my wedding if it's a man"
I remained silent and refused to see Tank in the eyes.

"You haven't told anyone about it yet, have you?" he asked quietly. I shook my head.
"Well my mum found out somehow. I honestly don't know how"
"Why? Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"I-I felt so weak. I'm grown up and still...When I stood in front of him and told him I was suddenly thirteen again and defenseless and-"
I couldn't talk anymore and just closed my eyes.
"Hey" he said gently and took my face into his hands. He gently stroked his thumbs over my cheeks and tried to look me in the eye.

"You are not weak" He emphasized each word particularly clearly.
"You're incredibly strong because you haven't given up. You stayed there so you wouldn't let your sister and your mother down"
I looked up at him and he smiled lightly.
"I should've known. My mum always told me not to go alone to him. I-"
"No" he said resolutely and pulled me into a hug.
"Some people change, some never do. And it's not wrong to believe in the good in people"
He put a hand on the back of my head and I clung to him as if he were my life-saving ring.
Maybe he was.
"Thank you" I whispered softly "I... I think I've never spoken to anyone so honestly"
I heard Tank laugh quietly and felt his shoulders tremble.
"Well, what should I say? I'm just something special."
I had to laugh and gently hit his shoulder.
"Idiot"
I smiled and played with his hair.
"But it's true" I admitted after a few seconds.
He stayed silent for a while.
"He can't hurt you anymore. I'll help you. I promise" I closed my eyes.
"I know." I said. "Maybe I do want your help"

"I knew it"
Tank gave me a kiss on my hair and smiled at me. It wasn't enough for me and I pulled him down to me to kiss his lips.
He interrupted the kiss.
"I'll be right back" he promised and stood up.
He made sure the blanket was still wrapped around my shoulders before he left.
When he came back he had a small package with him.
"What is that?" I was curious to know.
He sat down in front of me and held out a hand.
"Will you give me your arms?" he asked and smiled slightly.
I blinked. My first instinct was to say no. But I put it in his lap anyway.
He carefully rolled up my sleeves and opened the package. He pulled out a small jar and smeared the cream onto the scars. It felt so weird that someone touched them.
"It helps to heal. The scars will be less visible." he explained quietly and concentrated fully on my arms, as if the fate of humanity depended on it. I had to smile.
"Why do you have something like that with you?"
"For exactly this situation" He answered.
He continued to put cream on the other arm.
"Tank?" I asked quietly.
"Hm?"
"Did I creeped you away?"
"With the truth? No. I'm still here right?" I nodded.
"Why would I be?"
"I don't know" He had his head still lowered and looked up to me smiling.
"Exactly"

"Here we go, darling" My heart skipped a beat by the nickname.
He closed the jar again and rolled down my sleeves. He took my hand and quickly kissed it.
It seemed so casual. But it meant the world to me. I didn't even know why.

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No fanfictions without daddy issues <3

Have an awesome day/night :3

~anon