Between Joy And Pain

Kabanata 11

11-Allies

Tahimik kaming dalawa sa elevator hanggang sa makarating kami sa palapag kung nasaan ang unit ko. Bitbit niya ang bulaklak na binibigay niya saakin kanina. Nauna akong maglakad at nasa likuran ko sya nang marating namin ang pinto ng mismong apartment ko. Hindi siya nagsasalita at gano'n din ako.

I faced him to say goodbye but he handed me the flowers. I had no choice but to received it.

"Lia," He utter softly.

"Good night, Jared." I said smiling.

"I hope you'd give me a last chance to prove my love—"

Naputol ang sasabihin niya ng biglang kumalabog ang pinto sa tapat ng pinto ko. Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat kaya napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. Nagulat din si Jared pero hindi katulad ng pagkagulat ko.

"Jared, you should go." I said while trying to unlock my door.

"I know, you've had enough, I did something unforgivable and I completely understand if you're upset. But I'm also hoping that you'd give me a chance to right every wrong I have made. Just one last chance, Lia. Please, be fair and—"

Halos irapan ko siya sa naging speech nya. Hindi na kami matapos tapos sa topic na ito. Ilang beses na syang humingi ng pagkakataon, at ilang beses na rin akong tumanggi. Pero parang hindi nya parin maintindihan. Nahihirapan na akong ipaintindi sakanya, dahil sya mismo ayaw nyang tanggapin ang desisyon ko.

"Jared!" I cut him off. "Bakit ba hindi mo maintindihan? It's not me who hurt you, ikaw, ikaw ang nanakit saakin dahil hindi ka marunong makontento. This isn't the first, second or third time, palagi mo akong niloloko, nakalimutan mo na ba na ikaw 'yung nantarantado sakin? Please, stop playing victim every time you get caught. Nakakapagod na, ikaw hindi ka ba napapagod?"

"Alright!" He suddenly raised his voice. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa naging ekspresyon nya na para bang siya pa ang galit saaming dalawa. "Yes! I admitted everything, you've caught me several times, but it's nothing serious, Lia. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko. I don't love them—"

"Should I be grateful, then?" Tumaas na rin ang boses ko sa iritasyon. "Jared, I've been faithful to you all these years. Did you ever heard of me having an affair even just for once? Kahit gantihan ka sa panlolokong ginagawa mo ay hindi ko magawa. Kasi mahal kita. Hindi ba dapat kapag mahal mo magiging tapat ka? How dare you for bragging that it's me who you love, samantalang hindi mo naman kayang makontento!"

His bloodshot eyes are telling me that he's already tired. So do I, our relationship exhaust me. "Ganyan na ba talaga katigas ang puso mo saakin?"

"You're the reason behind it." Seryoso ko syang tiningnan. "You're telling me to be fair, but you are the one who's not being fair here, Jared. You have every damn girls with you in our entire relationship anumang oras mo gustuhin. But did you ever think that I only had one man who makes me happy, but also makes me devastated at the same time? I loved you, that's why I always chose to be with you, coz I only had you in my life, Jared."

"You still have me me, Lia. Hindi ako nawala, kahit na ilang beses mo akong pinagtatabuyan. Hindi ko kayang umalis dahil mahal na mahal kita."

"Can you hear youself?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko. "Ikaw ang may kasalanan pero nagawa mo paring palabasin na ako ang walang puso saating dalawa? So what kung pinag tabuyan nga kita? It's normal since you've hurt me. Wala ba akong karapatang masaktan? Mas masakit bang ipagtabuyan kesa sa lokohin-"

"It's not like that. Hindi yan ang ibig kong sabihin-"

"Eh ano pala ang ibig mong sabihin? Na okay lang kahit lokohin mo ko? Na dapat ba palagi lang akong nandyan kapag sawa ka nang mang-babae? Ako yung mahal mo, pero pakiramdam ko ako 'yung side chic mo. Kailan mo ba ako papahalagahan? Kapag naging girlfriend mo na ba lahat ng babae? Saka mo malalaman yung worth ko? Don't you think I deserve more that that, Jared? Kasi ako alam ko na hindi ko deserve ang ginawa mo!"